


best kind of bad something

by wildestdreams



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Small Towns, Smut, Top Harry, Top Louis Tomlinson, there is a sequel tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 14:59:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17024820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildestdreams/pseuds/wildestdreams
Summary: Nobody really understood Harry and Louis. Not even Louis. But for Louis, the world began and ended with Harry, and there were certain things he just wasn’t capable of explaining.orA NorCal AU where Louis is the town troublemaker and everyone hates him except for Harry.





	best kind of bad something

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on and planning this fic since late 2014/early 2015. a lot of it is based on my love for rory and jess on _gilmore girls_ and then a little bit from nev schulman's memoir. for some reason, this fic took me forever to write, but it wasn't until mid-year 2018 that i really started to work on it. as the months progressed, i got more and more done and it's finally here. i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it. i quite liked how it came out, especially my characters. can't wait to hear your thoughts!  
>   
> trigger warnings: there is underage drinking/sex. there is also an accident and people are injured.  
>   
> i want to thank my betas, [a](http://skyebyrd.tumblr.com) and [a](http://harry-hadalittlelamb.tumblr.com). you guys are awesome for helping me out!  
>   
> [fic post](http://butyouneverdo.tumblr.com/post/181182323885/fic-best-kind-of-bad-something-author) | [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/123144119/playlist/2wVpdEJLXpzWvLTMqtDdmf?si=YtJZDs2VQBOmiCj2lIPX0Q) | [tumblr](http://butyouneverdo.tumblr.com/)  
> 

_“You are the essence of my existence._

_You are my greatest experience._

_I live you like a poet thinks._

_I live you like an alcoholic drinks._

_I love you, I love you, and I would rather die_

_than live a day without you in my life.”_

\- Clémentine Beauvais

**«»**

The wind whistled softly, worn metal gate swinging open slowly as Louis crept past it, snickering under his breath while his two best friends, Niall and Zayn, followed behind. Louis clutched the red plastic bottle in his hand, making his way through the well-kept backyard, eyes focused on the pool ahead. He chanced a glance over at the house looming beside them, noting once more that all the lights were off, and the Hastings were fast asleep. They seemed the type to head to bed promptly at ten and wake up at the ass crack of dawn. Louis would never understand the upper middle class in his town ̶ _ever_. They were obnoxious and uppity. Who needed such a huge house with a giant backyard full of ugly flowers and a perfectly mowed, green lawn? Literally no one. It was a waste of resources.

“You wanna hurry the fuck up, Lou?” Zayn asked as he stuck a cigarette between his lips. “I’m fucking hungry.”

“No one asked you to tag along,” Louis glared at him, stopping in front of the pool. It was true, Louis wouldn’t have minded if Zayn just stayed back at his place. Jay would have made him something or given him last night’s leftovers. But Zayn never liked staying at Louis’ place alone for too long because one of Louis’ pesky sisters would find him and have heart eyes while they tried flirting with him. Zayn was really fucking hot and he considered it to be both a blessing and a curse.

While Louis uncapped the red bottle, trying to get the plastic off the cover, Niall looked around the place and sipped his beer. The fucker decided to grab some from the convenience store on the way over and made Louis pay, promising he’d pay him back, but Louis knew that was an empty promise. Niall was never good at saving his money because he always spent it as soon as he got it. He even splurged tonight for the expensive beer with the glass bottle instead of a cheap can. But there was never any record keeping between the three when it came to money. They were all broke and sometimes one of them needed to cop for the other. At some point, their debt would be paid off one way or another, so what was the point?

Once he finally got the red bottle open, he grinned over at the boys before tipping the bottle over into the pool. The dye spread, dissolving and slowly turning the clear water a bright red.

“Holy shit,” Zayn laughed. “It really does look like blood. Could totally be a murder scene.”

“This is brilliant,” Niall cackled along. “This’ll teach fucking Hastings to never fuck with us again.”

Louis’ icy blue eyes glinted, watching the water soak up the last of the dye, and nodded slowly at what Niall said. Kevin Hastings was one of the town’s most bigoted, homophobic mother fuckers ever. He’d never liked Louis ̶ never liked his friends either ̶ and always made sure they knew. Whenever Louis ran into him around town, he’d sneer or mutter _fag_ under his breath. And Louis genuinely ignored it at first, but it wasn’t until Hastings split the tires of his car (it was really actually his mother’s car and Jay was furious about it, blaming Louis as usual) that Louis got seriously pissed. That jerk-off had no right doing that even if Niall had made out with his daughter, Ava. It wasn’t like Niall forced himself on Ava. They were starting to become a thing, in fact. Niall really liked her, from what he told the boys, but he and Ava got caught in Ava’s room the other night. So, by association, Hastings retaliated on Louis and well ̶ Louis was going to fucking retaliate back.

“Fuck, I wish we could see the look on the bastard’s face when he finds this,” Niall muttered.

Louis sighed wistfully. “Would be amazing, wouldn’t it? Bet his face is gonna go all red like this water and look like it’ll pop off his pumpkin shaped body.”

Niall laughed again, throwing his head back in glee and accidentally letting his fingers slip on the beer bottle in his hand. Louis and Zayn’s eyes widened and they both tried reaching for the bottle at the same time, but neither were fast enough. It smashed down on the concrete beside the pool, making a loud noise in the otherwise quiet block. For a moment all three of them held their breaths, the noise of the glass breaking still echoing in their ears.

Seconds later, they heard a window open from above, and when they looked up, they found Hastings glaring down at them with a nightcap on his head. “What the _fuck_ are you doing in my yard?” he bellowed, pointing a fat finger at them. “What the fuck have you done? Why is my pool red, you fucking delinquents? I’m going to fucking kill you! But not before I call the police.”

Hastings moved away from his window, presumably calling the cops and making his way down. The three boys looked at one another with round eyes, pounding hearts, and amused grins on their faces before bolting out of there. Louis ran like his life depended on it, which it did. If Hastings was serious with his threats, he was probably going to come out with a shotgun and shoot their heads off right there, making the grass on his lawn match his pool. Louis made it a few blocks down, hearing sirens nearby and noticing that he had lost Niall and Zayn on the way. It was an unspoken agreement between them, since things like this happened quite often: don’t look back and keep running to save your fucking ass.

Louis slowed down to a walk when the sirens sounded distant, crouching behind cars and trees like a ninja. His blood was still thrumming from the adrenaline rush and he was reminded of how much he loved this, the feeling of being on the brink of getting caught doing something bad. It was half of the reason why he did it. The other half ̶ the bigger half ̶ was because he was a fucking shit and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

The sirens eventually stopped and Louis somehow found himself standing in front of a familiar two story house with white shutters and a tan roof. There were white peonies blooming out on the front, adorning the walk up to the door, and most of the lights were off in this house, too. Except for one room. The one on the top left where Louis could see a dim light illuminating the light yellow curtains that were half opened. Louis smiled to himself, walking further in and hopping up on the pipe on the left side of the house. He gripped onto it tightly, slowly climbing up until he could rest his foot on the roof and crouch in front of the bedroom.

Louis tapped on the glass once.

Harry jumped behind his computer screen, probably reading some article about college or something boring like that. Upon seeing Louis, Harry got up, and Louis smiled happily as Harry unlocked his window and lifted it open for him to crawl through.

“ _Oomph_ ,” Louis grunted, landing on his ass on top of Harry’s bed, which was pushed up against the wall and the window. “I’m exhausted.”

“Where did you come from?” Harry asked, closing his window again. The air conditioner was on full blast, the room cool and comfortable, just like Harry. He was wearing thin sweatpants with nothing on top. Louis tried not to stare at his smooth, bare skin, but gave up after five seconds.

“Was hanging out with Niall and Zayn at mine. Then we popped by the Hastings house for a visit and now I’m here.” Louis rested his head over his clasped arms, laying back and staring up at the white ceiling. Harry still had his glow in the dark stars and moon up there from when he was ten. He felt the bed dip where Harry sat beside him.

“You popped by their house for a visit?” Harry asked, his tone suspicious.

Louis nodded. “Old Hastings needed to be taught a lesson.”

“ _Louis_!” Harry chastised. “What did you do?”

“Exactly what I should have since the asshole fucked up my tires,” Louis muttered angrily, frowning at the ceiling.

“Louis, tell me what you did.”

“Relax, will you?” Louis said, looking at him as he sat up again and crawled back over to the window where he could overlook the streets below. “It wasn’t half as bad as it could have been. I just poured red dye in his pool.”

Harry didn’t look the least bit amused, but Louis was used to that. Harry never liked any of his antics, always disappointed and telling Louis off. When the other boy didn’t say anything more, Louis patted his jeans down because he needed to be doing something. That adrenaline rush hadn’t slowed down and he felt jittery. His hands rested over a cigarette in his jeans pocket and he pulled it out. Harry watched his movements, green eyes glowing bright in the somewhat dim room.

“What were you up to?” Louis asked him after propping the window open and putting the cigarette between his lips.

“Worked at the diner,” Harry responded, his eyes trailing Louis’ hands as they fished out a lighter from his back pocket and lit up the cigarette. “Was tiring and hot. Then I came home.” Louis hummed, about to take his first drag, when Harry spoke up again. “Stop.”

Louis froze, cigarette dangling from his fingers. “What?”

Harry blinked at him, eyes looking slightly darker than before. “Don’t smoke that.”

“Why?” Louis asked, smirk playing at his lips as he held the cigarette away from his mouth.

The only response he got was a shrug of shoulders, but it was enough for him to stub the cigarette on the window sill and let it roll off the edge. Once he got the window closed, he moved forward on the bed, lips crashing against Harry’s.

Harry stifled a quiet groan, one hand coming up to wrap around the back of Louis’ head to hold him in place while the other was flat on top of the bed next to him. Louis sucked on Harry’s bottom lip hungrily, kissing the sweet taste off of him, and settling on the bed with his knees on either side of Harry’s. He was glad he didn’t smoke that cigarette because Harry’s lips and taste were addictive enough to make up for it. Louis felt like Harry was his own type of nicotine.

Kissing Harry made Louis feel light headed, touching him made electricity shoot up Louis’ spine. He felt like he was on fire when he was with Harry and it drove Louis mad because it was so fucking good.

“ _Baby_ ,” Harry moaned quietly once Louis switched from kissing him to sucking bruises along his jaw and neck. Louis could feel Harry grinding up into him, thickening in his pants, making it harder for Louis to keep the slow pace he was going at and not just throw Harry back on the bed and fuck his brains out.

Harry continued to whimper, sliding his hands down Louis’ torso, slipping under his shirt and rubbing his thumb over one of Louis’ nipples. Louis bit down on his jaw, eyes fluttering shut while Harry’s thumb pressed on the bud until it was hardened. “C’mon, Lou,” Harry said. “Want you to fuck me.”

“Do you?” Louis asked, tilting his head up and ghosting his lips over Harry’s. Harry nodded, gulping and tracing Louis’ features with his dark eyes. “How badly do you want me?”

“Thought about you all day,” Harry answered truthfully because that was so like him. “Was a bit angry you didn’t come see me at work.”

Louis cooed, kissing his lips once, twice. “I was a bit busy, babe, and you know your dad hates when I come around.”

Harry hummed, nodding his head because it was true. Harry’s dad _despised_ Louis, as did the rest of the town. It was fine, really. Louis hated them back just as much. “Might be true,” Harry said. “But when have you ever cared what my dad thought of you?”

Louis grinned wickedly in response and kissed Harry again, wet and hard, until the other boy was lying back on the bed. He grinded down, rubbing their hard cocks together through their pants, loving the way Harry breathed erratically under him. He was always so responsive to everything Louis did no matter what it was and Louis liked to tell himself that that was why Harry had been his best sex yet. But Louis knew deep down that it also had to do with how much he cared about Harry and how special he was to him.

Sex with other people ̶ random people, more like ̶ was fun for the moment. Sex with Harry was on another level, keeping him on his toes yet grounding him at the same time.

“Are you going to take your clothes off any time soon?” Harry asked Louis, mumbling against his lips, but not moving away from the kiss. “You smell like beer and Zayn’s weed.”

Louis laughed breathily, lifting himself up to a sitting position and pulling his t-shirt off, throwing it somewhere behind him. Before Louis could work on his bottoms, Harry intercepted, his hands tracing Louis’ torso and the tattoos on him. It was a stark contrast to Harry’s clear, milky, white skin and it always made something warm curl up in his stomach every time he thought about how different they were yet so compatible.

Harry was day and Louis was night.

Harry was pure and everything right and Louis was rough edges and trouble.

“I, um ̶ I prepped myself. Before,” Harry whispered, lashes fluttering as he looked up at Louis, fingers still tracing over the lettering of Louis’ chest tattoo.

Louis smirked, eyebrows raising in surprise. “Did you? Were you expecting me?”

Harry shook his head shyly. “No ̶ I just ̶”

“You just what?” Louis asked softly when Harry stopped talking, brushing aside Harry’s curls and combing his fingers through them, watching Harry smile and revel in it. He loved it when Louis played with his hair because apparently he knew exactly how to.

“I was just getting off ̶ thinking about your dick inside of me.”

Louis’ own dick twitched at that and he willed himself to calm down and not fuck the living daylights out of Harry right then and there. “Fuck,” he mumbled.

“Mhmm,” Harry hummed. “Felt good, but not as good as it will when you get inside me.”

The two of them met halfway, lips pressing together in a sloppy kiss, while Louis continued to undress the both of them. “Turn over,” he whispered to Harry, patting his bare butt. Harry giddily complied, turning over and wiggling his ass in Louis’ face. Louis grinned at him rubbing his palms over both cheeks, squeezing them before pushing them apart and finding that Harry really did prep himself. And well, too. His rim was pink and slick still with lube, making it hard for Louis not to press his finger inside to see how stretched open he was.

“Baby,” Harry groaned softly, clutching onto his pillows, voice muffled. “Just get in me.”

“I will,” Louis promised. “Just ̶ let me have a taste.”

Harry was moaning before Louis’ lips even pressed against his hole, clenching against him. Louis didn’t let that stop him, continuing to press kisses on the spot before lapping his tongue over Harry. When he felt Harry pushing back against his mouth, he smiled to himself, pleased with the reaction. He pushed his tongue inside, past the rim, and fucked it in and out. At that, Harry started to get particularly loud. Loud enough to wake the entire house if not the entire block. Louis pulled back, shushing him, though he loved it when Harry got loud. The noises he made were fucking pornographic and Louis almost had a hard time believing that Harry was the golden boy of their small town in Albany, California. It made Louis feel special because Harry showed this side of himself to Louis and no one else ̶ he was so fucking hot and all Louis’.

“Want me to fuck you now?” Louis asked, pulling away and looking at the beautiful boy laid out in front of him.

“Want you to fuck me all the time,” Harry replied, rutting against the sheets. “Please, Louis.”

Louis didn’t need to be told again. He rolled on a condom and moved up so that he was covering Harry’s body with his. There was little resistance from Harry, his body slowly accepting Louis as he pushed in. Once Louis bottomed out, he let Harry adjust for a moment, taking the time to kiss behind his ear and neck. When Louis felt Harry relax a bit more, he started moving in and out, rocking his hips into Harry’s.

Harry whimpered with every thrust and twisted his head to the side, reaching for Louis. Louis immediately leaned in, kissing Harry, open mouthed and hungry. “Lou ̶ _baby, fuck_ ,” Harry moaned against his lips. He could tell that Harry was close to coming because the sheets beneath had wet patches all over from Harry’s precome. Louis pulled out after a bit, turning Harry around onto his back. His face was flushed, lips bitten and wet, looking like all of Louis’ wet dreams combined. He roughly thrust back into Harry and Harry wrapped his legs tight around Louis’ waist, holding onto his shoulders and meeting his movements.

What really pushed Harry over the edge was Louis leaning down to suck on his nipple, lightly biting at the sensitive spot and lapping it with his tongue. Harry let out choked off moans, come splattering between their chests. Louis followed soon after, but not before kissing Harry sweetly on the lips again.

**«»**

Nobody really understood Louis and Harry.

And quite frankly, Louis didn’t blame them. It was strange that they were what they were. He couldn’t understand it himself most days, but it just kind of happened.

They’d known each other as long as Louis could remember. Harry was his schoolmate since they were in preschool, but they weren’t always friends. In elementary school, Louis was just starting to gain his reputation as a troublemaker, constantly up to no good. For example, the time he clogged all the toilets and urinals ̶ even the ones in the girls bathrooms. No one had noticed him slipping in and out of all the bathrooms on all three floors, but Louis was sneaky like that. When he did get caught, the repercussions were bad, and he spent several days in the principal’s office with his mom, trying to get down to why he did what he did. Louis just shrugged every time they asked him. He had no real answer other than he wanted to.

He got away with being suspended for a few weeks. Once he finished his suspension, he knew everyone in class was talking about him, so he walked in that first day back with a smug smirk on his face. He wanted to look like he was proud of what he’d done and he didn’t care if he got caught. After that, to get back in the grind of messing things up again, Louis started with child’s play ̶ spitballs.

He remembered his favorite target was Harry with his big, green eyes and cautiously curious expression that was always directed at him. Harry’s seat was always in front of his due to alphabetical order, and he was a good boy who did his work and listened attentively as their teacher taught. While Louis would normally make fun of that, he didn’t ever tease Harry. He always just tried getting his attention, telling him all about the mischief he was planning to cause. Harry listened with a shocked expression, both in awe and fear, and it always made Louis feel good to get that reaction out of Harry.

Harry was Louis’ first real crush. He caught Louis’ eye more than any of the pretty girls in their class did. Louis didn’t question it; he didn’t question his sexuality all that much, either. He went with the flow and Harry was simply prettier than any girl he’d ever seen. He felt brave enough to admit to Harry as much. He wrote Harry a note once, saying that he liked him and asked whether Harry liked him back, complete with little check boxes labeled _yes_ , _no_ , and _maybe_. Louis crumpled the note and shot it onto Harry’s desk. Harry opened it slowly, while making sure the teacher wasn’t looking and read it with his head bent down on his desk. Moments later, the crumpled paper was gently placed back on Louis’ desk, this time neatly folded. Louis opened it with bated breath and was relieved to see that Harry checked off _yes_.

Things were going fine until Louis got to the third grade. He was getting by with small pranks and Harry spoke to him every day about one thing or another. But then things changed. His parents, who often fought, decided to separate. Louis watched his father pack his boxes and place them in his old car, before driving off after giving Louis a hug. Seeing that, Louis was hurt and angry for days, refusing to participate in any of the class activities or lessons. His teacher sent him off to the principal’s office, not aware of what was going on in Louis’ home life. The principal tried to speak to him, reason with him, but Louis was infuriated that he had to be there. One thing led to another and Louis cursed at her, calling her a _ugly, mongy, troll looking bitch,_ something he picked up on a TV show one day. That was the last straw and Louis was expelled.

Jay was disappointed, but with everything else happening in her life, she was struggling and didn’t really say anything to Louis. He wasn’t punished or told off. She just gave him a disappointed look, more worried about the the other things on her plate that she had to deal with. They went to a school one town over and she registered him there, requesting a bus come by and pick him up every day to save her the trips of having to drop him off and pick him up. With his dad out of the picture, she’d picked up more hours at the law firm where she worked. It was extra money, and even though she was exhausted most days, Jay didn’t complain. She was trying her best to provide for herself and Louis. Whenever he got in trouble, she never lashed out, or got angry. She just brushed it off and somehow that felt empowering to him. Like Louis could do the absolute worst things and still get away with it. When Louis got to the fourth grade, she started dating someone new. Someone she met at work, who was supposedly a great guy. His name was Mark and Louis _hated_ him simply on principle.

Then middle school started and Louis was back in school with everyone in his town again. He saw Harry for the first time in a while despite living in a small town, and he was still the prettiest. They had math class together and once again, Louis was seated behind Harry. Nothing changed about him. Harry was still a goodie two shoes, taking diligent notes and acting like he didn’t know how to be around Louis. When they had their first test, Louis was only half obvious about hiding the fact that he was checking over Harry’s shoulders for answers. At some point, Harry turned to look at Louis, and he wasn’t even mad. Louis gestured toward a question and Harry leaned sideways to let Louis have a look.

It was sweet and something tugged at Louis’ chest. While most of the town looked at Louis like he was a ticking bomb ready to blow, Harry was so open and almost trusting. There was a naivety about him that Louis couldn’t stop himself from being curious about. At lunch that day, Louis casually walked over to Harry and sat beside him and his friend, who Louis knew as Liam. To make things less weird, Louis made Niall and Zayn come with him. He’d met them the first day of middle school in the boys bathroom where they shared a cigarette and bonded.

“This is Niall and Zayn,” Louis introduced.

“Hi,” Harry greeted shyly, offering a wave.

The boys returned the pleasantries and pulled out their Game Boys to play, immersing themselves into their games. Liam was quiet, his eyes mistrusting as he studied Louis and his friends. That didn’t deter Louis, though. He chatted with Harry the entire lunch period and it was easy, which Louis didn’t think it would be. Once again, they didn’t have a lot in common, but it somehow still worked and extended to outside of math class and school.

Harry easily agreed to hanging out with Louis, never saying no when Louis offered. He still spoke to him with that same awe and listened to all the crazy shit Louis pulled. All of his pranks, his ideas, and more. Sometimes when they went to the convenience store to grab snacks after school, Louis knew Harry saw him stealing candy packets, but he never said anything. He never judged him, either. Louis was sure, however, that Harry must not be okay with him doing all this. He sometimes asked why Louis did it, even going as far as offering to pay for Louis’ snacks. Louis always said no and continued his antics.

One day, Harry brought it up again. Louis had just nicked a bag of chips and Skittles like a pro. “Why did you do that?” Harry asked him. “You know it’s not nice to steal.”

Louis waved him off with a shake of his head. “Why pay when we can have this for free?”

“Um...that’s kind of how things work. You have to pay for things…”

“Well, that’s hardly my problem. If anything, it’s theirs.”

“You’re saying it’s their fault that you’re stealing their stuff?”

Louis nodded. “If they’re not doing a better job at keeping an eye on it, then it’s their fault.”

Harry blinked at the other boy, unable to respond, and surely at this point he’d had to have sensed that Louis was fucked up. He was ruthless and didn’t care about authority or getting in trouble. In fact, he sought it out. This should have been the perfect opportunity for Harry to run, but he didn’t. Nothing changed and Harry continued to be as lovely as he always had been. Louis wasn’t used to that. He was so used to everyone glaring at him, telling him off, and plain disliking him. Niall and Zayn only hung out with him because they liked to muck around and do shit together, like smoke and set shit on fire.

With Harry, things were different. Their friendship was something Louis selfishly kept to himself. He never told anyone about Harry or the things they shared with each other, like their dreams, feelings, and mundane thoughts. Even when Louis started bringing Harry over to his house and his mom tried to get them to come and talk with her while she fixed them a snack, he always herded Harry into his bedroom and spent all of his time with him. He was greedy for Harry’s attention, always wanting it on himself.

When it came down to it, the only person Louis was nice to and truly cared about was Harry. There was a side of him that only Harry got to see, one that was softer and more vulnerable that only Harry could bring out of him. Louis still harbored his crush on Harry, but didn’t give Harry notes this time. He was sure Harry forgot about all of that from the second grade, and it just felt different this time. He wasn’t sure if Harry even liked boys. Louis knew for a fact he did, though. He masturbated to David Beckham daily.  

Their friendship continued through middle school and into high school. Every day, Louis grew more and more attached to Harry, especially when things got hard at home. On a particularly bad night, he left his house and arrived at Harry’s, climbing up the pipe on the left side of the house, all the way up to his window. That was the first time he snuck over, making him slightly nervous that he’d get caught, but it was clear everyone in Harry’s house was asleep. Harry was already in bed as well, but Louis tapped on his window anyway.

Harry scrambled out of bed when he saw Louis and unlocked his window, letting Louis through before shutting it again. “Louis,” he whispered. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t be home,” Louis said, curling into himself. “I can’t ̶ I just can’t, Harry.”

Harry looked alarmed by the sight of him, but mostly concerned as he put his hand on Louis’ arm and scooted closer to him on the bed. “What’s going on, Lou?” Harry asked. “You can talk to me about it.”

It took Louis a while to answer. He bit his lip until it started to swell and his leg was jittering nervously. “It’s Mark,” Louis said. “My step dad.”

“What about Mark?” Harry asked.

“He’s leaving,” Louis said before laughing dryly. “Well ̶ probably already left. Fuck. He actually left just like that other jackass.”

“What do you mean he left?”

“He’s leaving my mom. He’s leaving my sisters.”

The “he’s leaving me” part didn’t come out and, instead, Louis started crying, his head bowed as thick, hot tears spilled from his eyes. Louis never let anyone see him cry, not even his mom, but he couldn’t help it. He hated Mark to his core, always pushing him away, but Mark still tried with him. His mom seemed to love him and it didn’t take long for them to marry. When they had four girls together, Louis had thought his mom had finally gotten it right, at least for herself. After all, Mark was there for his mom and his sisters, and things felt sort of normal. With him gone, Louis just didn’t know how to deal or cope with it.

“I’m so sorry, Lou,” Harry said softly. “I have no idea why he’d leave, but I’m so _sorry_.”

Louis roughly wiped at his eyes, trying to remove any traces of his tears, and looked over at Harry. “I wasn’t even that close to him. He just ̶ he was just there when my real dad left. My mum and my real dad weren’t even married and I guess that makes me a mistake. I’m definitely living up to that title.”

“Don’t say that,” Harry frowned fiercely as he wrapped his arms around Louis, holding him close. “You’re _not_ a mistake.”

Louis wanted to believe Harry, but instead gave him a rueful smile with red rimmed eyes. “Kind of am, Curly. It’s why my real dad fucked off. He was in and out of our lives for years. He was fucked up in every single way with all the drugs and the drinking and after my mom had enough, she kicked him to the curb and met Mark. And I don’t know. Mark was nice enough because he made my mom happy, but now he’s leaving.”

“Are they getting a divorce?” Harry asked.

“Probably. They’ve been arguing quite a lot. I bet a lot of the arguments were about me, saying what a fuck up I was becoming ̶ like my fucking dad.”

Harry didn’t say anything after that. He kept his arm around Louis and that was enough for Louis to make him feel even just a tiny bit better. Since that night, Louis felt the significance of having Harry in his life, someone he could lean on. Harry was on his side, and Louis wanted to be good for him ̶ he would do anything for him. If Harry was going through something, Louis was there in a heartbeat, everything else be damned. Like when Harry’s grandma died. He was distraught at the funeral, but Louis was his shoulder to cry on. If Harry had bad days, Louis went out of his way to make him smile. Their friendship was a lovely mix of give and take with no limits.

A lot of people in town expected Harry’s good personality to rub off on Louis, and to some extent it did. While Harry didn’t want to be an overbearing, bossy friend, he did often tell Louis not to do certain things that weren't right. Sometimes Louis listened, but most times, he went through with it anyway, and Harry still liked him. He still accepted Louis as the fuck up he was, no judgment. Somehow he understood him and Louis was just so lucky to have him.

Their friendship shifted the summer after tenth grade. It was a long summer of messing around with boys that Louis met at the high school in the next town over. He’d come over to Harry’s after with two cans of beer and they’d sit in Harry’s room while Louis would divulge all the details. Harry listened, eyes glassy and hard, never really saying much.

In August, they got invited to a party at Niall’s place. He had the whole basement for it and there was a small group of people present. One of them was a guy Louis had hooked up with a few times and Louis saw potential in a repeat.

“I really want to hook up with Jamie tonight,” Louis told Harry while the two of them stood by the chip bowl, grabbing handfuls and stuffing it in their faces.

“I thought you were over him,” Harry said, glancing over at the boy in question. He was a senior and really hot with a buzzcut and an eyebrow piercing. Louis had made out with him a few times and they’d exchanged handjobs in Jamie’s car once.

“I am, sort of. But he’s here and I want to hook up with someone tonight,” Louis replied, smirking at Harry.

Harry’s expression was grim, eyes downcast and his lips twisted into a pout. Louis didn’t question it, instead proposing a game of spin the bottle to the group at large with the empty Corona bottle in his hand. Several people agreed excitedly and they all sat in a circle. Louis tried pulling in Harry to sit next to him, but Harry sat across from him next to Zayn, still looking upset. Louis started getting worried and wanted to ask if he was okay, but Niall began the game.

After a few people went, exchanging quick pecks and a few thorough smooches, it was Harry’s turn. He glanced at Louis once, spinning the bottle, but it ended up landing on Lily Ingall. Harry sighed, looking down at the ground dejectedly, but then sat up on his knees and crawled over to Lily, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. Everyone clapped, cheering them on, and Louis tried to catch Harry’s eye, but he wouldn’t look at him.

When it was Louis’ turn, by some stroke of luck, it landed on Jamie. Louis grinned, sitting up to go over to Jamie, who looked just as pleased, when Harry stood up. Everyone looked at him, but Harry was looking at Louis, extending his hand, asking him to come with him. Louis went without a question, of course, never able to say no to Harry and the two ended up in the backyard, away from the smoke and smell of beer, soda, and Doritos.

Harry leaned back against the brick wall of the house, looking down at his black Converse sneakers quietly, and Louis wasn’t quite sure what to say. “You okay?” he asked, settling on casual.

“Yeah,” Harry answered. “Just wasn’t feeling the party anymore.”

“That’s cool,” Louis added, understandingly. “I was just about to kiss Jamie, though.”

“Do you like him?” Harry asked roughly, his tone angry.

Louis stared at him, stepping back in confusion and surprise. “I mean, I don’t know. Not really.”

“Then why do you care so much about hooking up with him?”

“I don’t...I mean, not really. I’m just bored.” Harry wouldn’t respond after that and resorted to looking down at the ground again. Louis felt nervous. He wasn’t sure what was happening and so he grabbed his cigarette pack, pulling one out, and lighting it up. Before he could even put it to his mouth, Harry reached over and knocked it out of his hand. Louis startled. “What the f ̶”

Soft, wet lips pressed against his, and Louis blinked at the shock of it. Harry stepped back, immediately, looking surprised at himself. His mouth was gaping open and his hands were limp at his sides. Louis let out a breath, hands shaking. “Harry…”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I wanted to kiss you so much.”

“You did?”

Harry nodded. “Was hoping the bottle would land on you.”

Louis bit his lip, not able to really process this. He still liked Harry more than anyone, had since he was seven years old. And Harry actually might like him back. He wanted to kiss Louis. Without hesitating, Louis reached over and pulled Harry closer, kissing him soundly. Harry’s lips were pliant under his, unpracticed and a bit sloppy, but Louis felt his stomach swooping. Kissing him made Louis fall so much harder, like rain on a stormy April day.

That night began the shift in their friendship. The entire summer was a blissful haze of each other, kissing until their tongues and lips felt numb, touching all over and exploring. They never hid what they had from everyone else, not caring what anyone else thought. Kissing in public, holding hands on the streets, and generally being all over each other felt like second nature almost. But they also didn’t have a label for their relationship, so when they were asked what was happening between the two, they just smiled.

Truth of the matter was, it was no one’s business. People could talk their bullshit about opposites attracting and how it wasn’t going to last since Louis was a trainwreck and Harry was actually going somewhere in life, but they would never know the depth of what Harry and Louis meant to each other. Their relationship went beyond that of a label or people talking.

So, yeah, nobody really understood Harry and Louis. Not even Louis. But for Louis, the world began and ended with Harry, and there were certain things he just wasn’t capable of explaining.

**«»**

Louis was excited for this summer and it was not just because school was done and the possibilities for fun were endless, but because he had actually graduated high school and was done with school for _good_. He was pretty surprised when he got to walk with his class, but no one was more surprised than his teachers, whose classes he skipped more days than he actually attended. But toward the end of the school year, Harry made Louis study with him, insisting that Louis try a little bit, and Louis passed by barely a point.

He was happy and extremely grateful, but a part of him knew that if anyone was going to get him to listen and do the right thing, it was going to be Harry. He had this power over Louis that no one else really had. He was always there whenever Louis needed. Which would hopefully be right now, as he walked into Styles Diner with Niall and Zayn in tow. He really needed Harry’s car and was hoping he would agree to let Louis borrow it.

The chances of Harry agreeing right away were slim, but Louis was persuasive, if anything. Grimmy, Louis’ dealer, wanted him to do a few rounds over in two neighbouring towns and promised Louis a good deal of cash, which he really needed. However, Louis didn’t want to walk nor did he have a bus pass or money for one. So he was going to ask Harry if he could borrow his car. It was a gift from Harry’s parents; they were pretty loaded because of the successful diner and had bought it for him for his seventeenth birthday. It wasn’t anything fancy ̶ just a navy 2005 Subaru Outback, but it did its job.

Louis got his license when he was sixteen, but his mom was always using her car and didn’t have the funds to buy him one. Louis hoped that in the future he would be able to save up to get his own. For now, Harry was usually his go-to for a car. Most times, Harry didn’t mind having to drive Louis around to places, and occasionally, he’d let Louis borrow it. But that was only when Louis was honest about where he was going, which was the tricky part.

When the three of them entered the diner, they found the usual morning crowd that frequented the place for a cup of coffee and their famous blueberry pancakes before work. As soon as the boys walked in a few people stopped whatever they were doing to shoot a glare their way. Louis told himself he couldn’t care less. He knew he wasn’t the most liked person in town, but it was still irritating that people took the time to hate on him so much.

He spotted Harry standing behind the counter, refilling a few people’s mugs with coffee, a bright smile on his face while chatting with them. It brought a smile to Louis’ face, too, just seeing him, and he didn’t even know how just _looking_ at Harry’s face did this to him. Louis approached the counter, finding Liam perched on a stool near Harry. He looked up when Louis approached him.

“Hi Louis,” Liam said, glancing up at him before going back to his phone.

“Hey, Li. How’re you?” Louis asked. He saw Niall and Zayn grab a small table, both of them pulling their phones out, and looking bored. He had to take them with him because it was never safe to go alone, but they never really enjoyed it, which was why Louis offered to pay them a portion of his proft.

Liam shrugged in response to his question. “Alright. Excited about summer and then college. I just put down my deposit and I got approved to move in early, so it’s really starting to feel real.”

Louis nodded, giving Liam a tentative smile. It seemed everyone had some sort of plan once summer ended, but Louis really didn’t. His plans were the same as what he planned on doing this summer ̶ chilling out, partying, and having sex with Harry. Thank God, Harry wasn’t planning on going away for college like Liam and a few others that Louis knew were. Harry was planning to just go to the nearby college so he could stay home and help his dad out with the diner.

“Where are you going to college again?” Louis asked, leaning against the counter and glancing over at Harry to see if he was going to make his way over. He was currently talking to Mrs. Griffin with his utmost concentration. It was probably about her grandkids because that was all Mrs. Griffin talked about since her daughter had, like, five kids.

“Michigan University,” Liam said. “They’ve got good programs and a nice community there.”

“I’m sure. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Louis.” He paused, sipping his hot coffee. “Are you here to see Harry?”

Louis nodded. “Just wanna say good morning to my boy.”

Liam gave him an amused smile as he referred to Harry as _his boy_ and went back to his breakfast. Louis had never called Harry his boyfriend, and same goes for Harry with Louis. Despite how serious they were, the two still never labeled themselves or their relationship. They were exclusive and had been for the past two years, which was kind of crazy, but also made complete sense because looking at Harry, Louis didn’t know anyone else he’d rather be with.

Harry eventually walked over, giving Louis a shy smile. “Hi,” he said once he approached them. He looked at Liam. “Need more coffee?”

“I’m good,” Liam said with a thumbs up.

Harry nodded and turned back to Louis. “Hi,” he said again.

Louis grinned stupidly. “Hi. Can I talk to you outside for a moment?”

Harry glanced around the diner, making sure no one else needed him. When he saw that everyone was fine, he nodded, walking around the counter and following Louis out. Harry was usually their only waiter/busboy because his parents took care of the cooking and behind the scenes stuff. It worked well because by the end of the day, Harry’s tips were more than his salary due to his charm and dimples.

“What’s up?” Harry asked once they stepped outside by the dumpsters in the back, giving them a sense of privacy.

“Give me a kiss first, asshole,” Louis said, leaning in to smooch Harry’s lips loudly. Harry smiled into the kiss, biting his lips when Louis pulled away. “Alright, so I need a favor.”

“Okay,” Harry said. “What do you need?”

“Your car.” Louis held his breath, searching Harry’s face for his reaction, but all Harry did was arch an eyebrow. Louis took a deep breath. “I need your car to, uh, run some errands.”

“What kind of errands?”

“You know. Just errands.”

It was hard lying to Harry. Louis could either tell him the truth or he could beat around the bush, but outright lying to Harry ̶ he was just not capable. He felt like Harry could read him through and through. It was scary, sometimes, just how much.

Harry scratched his arm, making a mosquito fly away. “I don’t know, Louis.”

“Why?” Louis all but wailed. “C’mon, Harry. You’d really be saving my ass by doing this. It would save me so much effort.”

“You won’t even tell me what you need it for.”

“Can’t I have some things to myself?” Louis asked him, voice lowering to a whisper. “I know we share things with each other, but I don’t always want to tell you everything.”

A look of hurt flashed over Harry’s face, and just as quickly vanished. He gulped, rolling his eyes as he did so. “I guess you could take it. Only because you look really cute today.” He handed over his keys from his pocket hesitantly. “I need you to be back by the time I finish up here, though. You know how tired I get after serving all day, and I don’t want to walk home.”

“Of course,” Louis nodded, quickly, happy that Harry was agreeing about the car. “I’ll bring it back before then, even. Thanks, babe.”

Harry smiled meekly, but Louis wanted to see his dimple and he wanted to know they were okay. Maybe what he said about not sharing everything was silly. That wasn’t true.  Louis did want to share every bit of his soul with Harry, and to some extent, he had. However, he didn’t want to share the things he knew Harry would disapprove of and be disappointed in him for. If Harry knew Louis was dealing weed to rake in extra cash for the summer, he’d give him a silent treatment, then a lecture, and then force him to get an Adult job. All of that was too much work and Louis was fine with making some easy money. Grimmy’s stash was always the good, expensive shit so he made a lot with minimal effort.

“Let’s go out when you’re done,” Louis murmured, leaning close to Harry again. His fingers gripped Harry’s, entwining them as he pulled Harry closer. “I’ll treat you to tacos and I’ll suck you off.”

Harry’s smile deepened and there was the dimple. Louis’ heart did a somersault at the sight of it and he couldn’t help but lean in to kiss him on the spot. “That sounds fun,” Harry said. “I’m down.”

“Alright, then,” Louis said. “It’s a date.”

“You take all your friends on dates like this?”

“Only the cute ones with the dimples and pretty green eyes,” Louis responded. “My favorite kind of friend.”

Harry grinned, blushing deeply, as he pushed Louis back, though his fingers tightened in their clasp. “Shut up, you dumbass. I’ve got to get back to work.” Before letting go of him completely, Harry tugged Louis forward and kissed him hard, open mouthed and wet.

Louis couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as they walked back into the diner. Harry went straight back to his post, already grabbing the orders that were left on the till and passing them around to patrons. Louis walked over to his friends and gestured for them to get up. The town mechanic, who was sitting in the booth behind Zayn and Niall, looked over. He already had grease stains on his cheek and there was a bit of pancake crumbs on his thick mustache.

“Tomlinson,” he greeted.

“Alright, Al?” Louis returned. Al was good people and never took Louis as seriously as everyone else did. Louis liked him.

“Busy day. Came by to grab some grub,” Al responded. “What kind of trouble you up to today?”

“Oh, you know, the usual. Robbing a bank, hijacking a car...a run of the mill day, really.”

Al burst out laughing, cheeks ruddy and red. “I know you’re kidding, but I’m still sure you’re up to no good. Never have been.”

“Yeah, well, old habits die hard,” Louis shrugged.

“Your mom have any trouble with her car lately? She came in last week,” Al continued.

“Not as far as I know.”

“You need to take care of her more. Poor thing is doing it all on her own. It’s a good thing she met that Dan. Anyway, let her know she can come by if she has any issues.”

Louis was halfway to the door as he shouted back, “I’ll be sure to mention it. See ya, Al!” Zayn and Niall were leaning against Harry’s car as Louis approached them. He unlocked the car and they all climbed in. They had a lot of places to go.

**«»**

The clock on Harry’s car read 12:34 AM, which meant Louis was over two hours late in getting the car back to Harry _and_ taking him out to dinner. It took a while to do the rounds and there was traffic coming back home. But Louis didn’t really want to explain all this to Harry, who was surely angry at this point since he hadn’t texted or anything. Louis was nervous. He hated upsetting Harry. However, he was really good at it considering it happened quite often.

When Louis finally made it into town, breaking all the speed laws to get to the diner, he saw Tony and Spike, who also worked for Nick, talking rather aggressively with a tall figure backed up against a building. Louis slowed down and looked carefully, noticing the curly hair that always got a little unruly after being under a hairnet all day. Swerving into the opposite lane, Louis did a quick U-turn, making the tires squelch angrily on the asphalt, and parked before jumping out the car.

“The fuck’s going on here?” Louis inquired, marching over to the two boys and standing between them and Harry. He might be shorter than Harry, had been for the last year or so, but his personality and loud voice always made up for it.

Tony laughed, looking disgustingly smug as he did so. “Was just having a chat with your boy.”

“Yeah?” Louis snapped, crossing his arms across his chest and spreading his legs wide as he backed a little closer to Harry. “He doesn’t have anything to say to you guys, so don’t know why you’d want to be talking to him at all.”

“Harry talks to everyone, Lou. He’s _nice_ ,” Spike smiled, slimy and gross.

“Except you.”

Tony tsked, shaking his head. “Chill out, would you? We just wanted to know where you were. Wanted to know if you got the job done.”

“It’s done,” Louis quickly answered, praying to God that Harry wasn’t cataloguing this conversation to ask Louis about later. “Are we done?”

“Not until you come back to Nick’s to talk money,” Spike replied.

“I’ll come when I’m ready,” Louis said. He had spent the last few hours working for these fuckers and he wasn’t going to just rush off with them. He promised Harry tacos and a blowjob, and he was going to deliver.

Realizing that Louis wasn't going to budge, Tony and Spike started walking away, taking out a cigarette each and heading in the direction of Nick’s. Letting out a sigh of relief, Louis slowly turned around to face Harry. He hadn’t been able to get a proper look at him when he walked over. His hair was crazy, but that was a given with the hairnet and humidity. His expression, on the other hand, was livid.

“Can I have my keys?” Harry asked, voice firm.

“Harry, can we ta ̶”

“No,” Harry gritted out. “I waited two fucking hours for you, Louis. Your chance to talk tonight is done. Now give me my keys so I can go home. I’m so fucking tired.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis rushed out, reaching out to grab Harry by the shoulders. Surprisingly, he didn’t shrug Louis off, so he must really be out of it. “My thing ran later than I thought and I tried to get here as soon as I could. Please believe me.”

“Why should I? You won’t even tell me what the _thing_ is. You just had the shadiest conversation about money with those assholes and you expect me to _believe_ you?”

“What did they say to you? They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“No,” Harry replied. “They just wanted to know where you were and wouldn’t leave me alone even though I told them I didn’t know.”

Louis felt his heart pang, tugging heavily down to his stomach. Harry getting dragged into his shit always made him feel worse about what he did. There were a few times in the past when it had happened and Louis was somehow able to appease Harry enough to not tell him everything. This time, it didn’t seem like Harry was going to just let it go. He was seething, eyes hard and steely as he looked at Louis.

“Look, Harry. I really am sorry. I was fully intending to get back on time.”

“But you didn’t. And I told you that I didn’t feel right just giving you my car without knowing what you were doing with it. You never listen to me, Louis. You’re always fucking treating me like I’m a joke.”

“You’re not a joke! Where do you even get that from?” Now Louis was getting mad and he could feel the fight bubbling inside of him.

“What I just said! You don’t listen to me or take me seriously and I’m tired of it. I’m so fucking tired!”

“I’m apologizing, okay?” Louis couldn’t help but shout, throwing his hands up. “I’m sorry and I won’t do it again. You’re not a joke to me. Of course I listen to you. I will _always_ listen to you.”

“Not always.”

Louis groaned, frustrated. “What do you want from me, Harry? I already apologized. I’m here. I’m going to give you your car back. What more do you want?”

Harry glared at Louis, his lips pursed thin. “I don’t want anything from you at all. I just want you to be honest with me about what you’re doing. Apparently, you can’t do that.”

Without waiting for a response, Harry reached into Louis’ hands for his keys and walked around him to his car. Louis watched in silence as Harry started it up and drove off into the night. He didn’t even offer Louis a ride. That dick.

**«»**

So, Louis was drunk.

And he hadn’t exactly intended to be. It went a little something like this...after the fight with Harry, he’d stalked off and somehow found himself at Niall’s. Niall and Zayn were both playing video games and drinking the six pack that Niall got, so Louis got in on it and before he knew it, he was drunkenly telling the boys about his fight with Harry, how pissed off he was, and how sad he was too. Not long after, he’d decided that their docile nodding along to his story wasn’t helping, so he got up and left.

Ten minutes later, he found himself standing in front of Harry’s house. He could climb the pipe, but he was sure that, given that he was drunk, he would fall and break his neck. He could also just go home and sleep this off, but his feet remained standing there, looking up at Harry’s room. His lights were still on, which meant he was awake, and Louis couldn’t help but replay their fight over and over in his head. It surely wasn’t their first fight, but they all left the same sick feeling in his stomach that he hated so much.

He needed to make up with Harry. He had to apologize and he had to make the gesture big and grand. The usual rock on the window wasn’t enough. Then Louis thought of one of Harry’s favorite songs, “Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Yours,” by Stevie Wonder. He sang it every day for a whole summer once and still listened to it here and there. By being around him for so long, Louis had started to like it too.

“Like a fool I went and stayed too long,” Louis started to sing, his voice getting louder with each word. “Now I’m wondering if your love’s still strong. Oohh, baby, here I am. Signed, sealed, delivered, I’m yours.”

Louis wasn’t sure if anyone could hear him, if Harry could hear him. The lights were still dim throughout the house, so Louis continued to sing, even louder than before.

“Then that time I went and said goodbye, now I’m back and not ashamed to cry. _Ooh,_ baby, here I am. Signed, sealed, delivered, I’m yours.”

He had no idea if his singing was any good. It wasn’t a concern, honestly. He wasn’t trying out for fucking _American Idol_. He was trying to win his boy back. His words may be slurred, but he had good melody, if he did say so himself. He went through the song, launching into it again, and then suddenly the front door opened and there stood Harry, pajama bottoms on with nothing on top. His usual get up that had Louis’ mouth watering at the sight.

Louis’ singing slowed and he took a deep breath before taking a step closer. When he didn’t move any further, Harry huffed and walked out in his slippers until he was close enough to Louis to speak to him.

“What are you doing?” he asked him. “Mom’s getting pissed because you’ve woken her and dad up.”

Louis cocked his head to the side. “Well, why was she able to hear me and not you?”

“I did hear you,” Harry admitted, expression bored and a little annoyed. “I just didn’t want to give you the attention you so clearly want from me right now.”

His words shook Louis up a little, and he didn’t even realize he was openly pouting until Harry reached over, rubbing his thumb along Louis’ jutted lower lip. “So why are you out here if you wanted to ignore me while I was singing my fucking heart out to you? Quite beautifully, if I might add.”

“I was ignoring you because you’re drunk, Louis. I know when you’re drunk. My mom came in and asked me to deal with the _situation_ outside, so I had to.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m such a _situation_ and you have to constantly deal with me,” Louis bit back, frowning as he moved a step back away from Harry.

“Oh, so you’re mad at me now?”

“You’re the one who’s being a dick!”

“Is that what you came to tell me at my house in the middle of the night?” Harry crossed his arms. He still looked agitated and this was not what Louis wanted. He felt his walls and defenses come down. He could only fight with Harry for so long.

“No,” he shook his head, his voice shaking. “I came here because I wanted to say sorry for what happened and I wanted to do something nice so I was singing to you. I got drunk because I was upset and didn’t know how else to blow off steam. I hate when we fight, which I know happens a lot, but I _hate_ it Harry. Can’t stand not talking to you. When you’re mad at me, or when we’re fighting, I feel like I can’t breathe. Nothing feels right and I couldn’t take it anymore. Not tonight.”

Harry took a deep breath and closed the space between them, grabbing Louis by the shoulders and pressing their lips together in a kiss. Louis was shaken up for a moment, but he came back to it and kissed Harry back, even though he was sure he had beer breath. Harry didn’t seem to mind. He licked into Louis’ mouth, holding his face tenderly between his soft hands. Louis angled his body so that they were chest to chest, not an inch of space between them and he held on tightly to Harry’s waist.

As the kiss fizzled out, and Harry left soft pecks over Louis’ lips, he shifted back to look Louis in the eyes. “You make me so incredibly angry sometimes. Drive me up the fucking wall. But you also make me happier than anyone I know.”

“You make me happy, too,” Louis whispered. “Only happy. I don’t care about the times when you make me mad or sad.”

Harry snorted, a breath of air escaping his lips with the laugh. “You’re so fucking insane.”

“But you’re with me forever, right?” Louis asked, searching Harry’s eyes. He knew what Harry was going to say, in fact, he had him say this often. But it just felt nice to have the confirmation again. They didn’t have labels, but they had this. And while Louis knew he was completely and totally in love with Harry, had known since the beginning, and Harry was completely and totally in love with him, they didn’t say those exact words either. Instead, they used other words, like forever.

It just felt like they didn’t need to do the normal thing. They didn’t need to put a label on their relationship because they knew what they were to each other. It was more than best friends and it was more than boyfriends. And they didn’t say I love you because what they felt was beyond that. Like words could never describe what they’d do for each other. It was a deep, deep love that overwhelmed Louis to the point that he couldn’t believe he could feel something so strong. If Harry asked him to jump off a bridge, Louis wouldn’t hesitate. He trusted him, he loved him, and he never wanted anything but him. It was intense and magical at the same time.

“Forever,” Harry promised, leaning in again to kiss Louis quiet, sucking his lower lip in between his own. “Come inside. I think I got a mosquito bite.”

Louis gasped, leaning away from Harry. “How dare they?”

Harry laughed again, took Louis’ hand in his and pulled him into the house where he shut the door and quietly led Louis up the stairs. When they reached Harry’s bedroom, Louis shucked off his clothes until he was down to his briefs. Harry locked the door behind them and then led Louis to the bathroom in his room.

“If you’re planning to kiss me in bed, you better brush your teeth. Or at least rinse it with mouthwash. You taste awful.”

Louis squaked indignantly. “Fuck off.”

Harry giggled, crawling into bed where he laid over his sheets. The window was open now, curtains blowing with the breeze. Louis quickly rinsed his mouth before following Harry into bed. He laid down on the empty side while Harry stretched out next to the wall. Within moments of Louis laying down, Harry was on top of him, his weight heavy and comforting.

“Thanks for singing me that song. You sounded pretty, baby,” he whispered between them, smiling softly.

Louis preened at the pet name. He loved when Harry called him that. He combed through Harry’s fluffy hair. He must have showered because it was back to normal and not looking as wonky as it had before. “Glad you liked it,” he said quietly. “Also, I know I already apologized, but I want to say I’m sorry again. I think...I think you sort of know what I was doing, but you just want to hear it from me. I don’t know if I can tell you...at least not right now. But I’m sorry anyway.”

Harry watched him quietly for a long time before nodding. “Okay.”

He then kissed him, brushing their lips together. It was chaste and sweet and then Harry stuck his tongue in Louis’ mouth, playful, and Louis narrowed his eyes at him, biting on his tongue gently. Harry winced, always dramatic, and then when Louis released his tongue, he just stuck it back in, between his lips, kissing him hungrily. Louis felt dizzy from the kisses, the sweet taste of Harry, his favorite drug that he was going to use for the rest of his life. He was never going to tire of this. So many people talked about finding the right person and going through many just to get to them. But Louis found his person.

He was sure it was Harry because it could be no one else.

**«»**

The doorbell rang once and Louis sprinted out of his bedroom and ran down the stairs, panting as he swung the door open. Harry stood on the other side, holding two paper bags in his hands and smiling, his features a tad bit tired. He’d worked today and then told Louis he’d bring the two of them dinner to have at Louis’ place. He was probably going to sleep over, too, so Louis was excited.

“Been waiting for you,” he rushed out, leaning forward and out the door so that he could kiss Harry as a hello.

“Sorry,” Harry smiled apologetically. “It was a long day. But I got us burgers and fries and shakes.”

“My boy feeds me so well,” Louis chuckled, pulling Harry inside. Harry toed off his sneakers and instead of following Louis upstairs, he made a beeline for the living room where all of Louis’ sisters were watching TV. Louis made a face as he followed, watching Harry exchange hugs and kisses with all of his siblings. He then took out a box of cookies from one of the bags, handing it over as they went nuts, each of them grabbing a handful while thanking Harry.

Before the kids could finish the whole box, Harry closed it and held up a finger at Louis, signaling that he would be another minute. But Louis knew where he was headed and it was definitely going to be longer than a minute. He sighed heavily as he made his way to the kitchen behind Harry where he saw his mom pull Harry into a hug as he offered her the leftover cookies.

While they launched into conversation, talking about the diner, the recent gossip surrounding the single hottie who’d moved into town, and whatever else, Louis stood by the entryway observing them. Observing Harry, mostly, and just how fucking amazing he was.

It jarred Louis sometimes ̶ the kindness of Harry’s heart. He went out of his way to think about everyone and do something nice for them. Hell, Harry was nicer to Louis’ family than Louis was to them. Louis barely spoke to them, but Harry always treated them so well, and while Louis wasn’t exactly attached to his family emotionally, it made him emotional just seeing the effort Harry put in. It meant something to him that he deemed Louis’ family so important, that he cared about them. When they were younger, Louis was greedy about his time with Harry, but over the years, Harry had gotten to know his family. He thought it was the polite thing to do since he spent so much time at their house.

“You ready to eat?” Harry asked as he walked over to Louis.

Louis snapped out of his thoughts, blinking back into the present. His mom was looking at them, a serene smile on her face, and Harry looked quite pleased with himself. “Yeah, I’m hungry as fuck,” Louis said.

“Louis,” his mom reprimanded him, though, it was half-hearted.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry,” he mumbled, throwing his hand up as he followed Harry back into the living room.

He was intent on getting Harry up to his bedroom but then Lottie started snickering obnoxiously. He turned to glare at her. “What’s your deal then?”

“Nothing,” she said. “Just find it funny how whipped you are.”

“Excuse you…”

“You heard me, Lou. Wherever Harry goes,” she said, pointing at him as he stood there, watching the two of them. “You follow. Like a lost, lovesick puppy.”

“Piss off, Charlotte,” Louis rolled his eyes.

That only made Lottie giggle more, Fizzy and the twins following suit. “We’re going to watch _Frozen_ , Harry,” Daisy said, standing up from her seat on the floor to grab Harry’s hand and pull him towards the couch. “Watch with us.”

“I love _Frozen_ ,” Harry grinned, already taking a seat on the couch without paying Louis any mind. When Harry finally looked at him and his not so amused expression, he sighed. “C’mon, Lou. You know I love _Frozen_.”

That Louis did. Harry made him watch it with him twice in the theaters when it came out. Admitting defeat, he took a seat next to Harry while Harry leaned over and pecked his cheek. He then handed Louis their dinner and they sat with the girls while eating and watching the movie. Once the movie finished, long after Harry had trashed the remnants of their dinner, the girls slowly made their way to their bedrooms. Jay was already upstairs, having called it an early night since she had work the next morning.

Louis watched as Harry hugged and kissed all his sisters good night, and his heart felt like it was being inflated with a pump. Once they were alone, Harry smiled, sitting down next to Louis and Louis took that opportunity to climb into his lap, kissing him fiercely on the lips like he hadn’t gotten to earlier. Harry’s tongue tasted like ketchup and he smelled like grease, but Louis moaned, deepening the kiss while his hands clasped behind Harry’s neck. Harry fell into the kiss easily, his hands gripping Louis by the waist and pulling him forward, as if there was any space left for them to close.

“You’re the best person I know, you know that?” Louis asked, breathing the words against Harry’s lips. “You’re golden, Harry. Your heart is made of gold.”

“My heart’s yours...belongs to you,” Harry whispered back, cheeks visibly flushed despite the dark lighting of the room. “I’m yours.”

**«»**

“I wanna do something nice for Harry,” Louis announced on a Saturday afternoon as he and Niall walked toward the town mall.

Niall puckered his lips while taking a sip of his iced lemonade. “You mean like a gift?”

“Yeah, a gift,” Louis nodded.

“What were you thinking” Niall inquired. “We’re going to the department store for my ma’s perfume. Maybe you can get him a perfume.”

It was Maura’s birthday the next day and Niall had forgotten until this morning. He called Louis up frantically, begging him to go to the mall with him so Niall would have something to give her during the birthday dinner tomorrow night. Louis agreed because he didn’t have much else to do. Zayn was spending the day with Gigi at her pool. Harry was working a shift at the diner and wouldn’t be free until later tonight. He had no one else to bother, so why not?

“I don’t know if perfume is the kind of gift I want to give him,” Louis said. “I mean, it’s not his birthday or anything. Plus, I don’t even know what kind of perfume he’d like. Just want do something nice for my boy.”

“ _Your boy_ didn’t give me free soda the other day, so I’m a bit pissed. Might not be much help.”

“He doesn’t owe you free soda, you dick,” Louis glared. “Leave him alone.”

Niall snickered, laughing around his straw. “You’re so fucking weird and protective over him, Louis. He’s got you in a chokehold.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re on about,” Louis rolled his eyes. “Well, I was thinking maybe a concert. Harry really likes this band that’s coming to Westbrae in a few weeks, but tickets are kind of expensive. I don’t have the money to pay for that right now, so I’m trying to think of other things.”

“Okay. Maybe not a perfume, but you might find something else at the mall. We’ll browse,” Niall reassured him.

At the mall, they grabbed some pretzels from Auntie Anne’s before making their way to Macy’s where Niall spoke with a pretty brunette about his perfume options for his ma. Louis stayed away from the two because it was so clear that Niall was flirting, making her laugh and giggle with his stupid chat up lines. He drifted away, walking over to the men’s cologne side where he perused the options there. He wasn’t serious about getting one for Harry. He wasn’t even sure if Harry wore anything, but he did always smell good.

Louis really just wanted to take Harry to see that band he liked. He knew that would be the best gift, one that Harry would be the most happy with. If only Louis worked properly. Selling weed didn’t get him too much. Perhaps if he’d sold something harder then he’d probably be making more, but that just wouldn’t feel right. Lying to Harry about weed, which was essentially harmless, already made Louis feel guilty. If he lied about selling harder shit then he’d feel worse.

Moving away from the perfumes, Louis found himself in front of the women’s jewelry section. Irrelevant, he thought, as he started heading back to Niall. A flash of rose gold caught his eye and he paused, looking at the open purse with the wallet hanging out on the counter in front of him. Looking around, curiously, he noticed the owner of the purse further down the counter, talking to a sales clerk. She looked rich based off of the fancy clothes she was wearing. Louis stood there for a few more moments, watching how neither the woman or the sales clerk were concerned about the wallet or the purse at the end of the counter. They both had their heads bent down, looking at a ring, and Louis took a deep breath.

Maybe Harry was going to get those concert tickets after all.

Slowly, Louis walked down the counter, quiet and smooth. He pretended to be taken by the display of jewelry in front of him, not really looking to see his surroundings. He let his hand rest on top of the counter, sliding it along the glass as he got closer and closer to the wallet. His eyes quickly darted around the store, deeming it safe, and then he slipped the wallet off the counter and held it behind him. Louis turned around as swiftly as he could, holding the wallet tight in his fist bringing it around to his front and pretending like it belonged to him and he was just going about his day, browsing at the mall.

He’d done this before. It was like an old dance, well-practiced and perfect each time. However, the next step was to get out of the store as soon as possible. Niall would understand, so Louis walked toward the door. He was so close, but then felt someone tug at his shoulder. Heart pounding in his chest, he nearly didn’t turn around, but then felt the tug again.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me.”

Fuck. Oh, _fuck_. Louis fucked up. He bit his lip, glancing down at his hands. He’d never gotten caught before and it didn’t look like he could escape. There was a guard standing at the door who would surely grab him and the consequences could be worse than whatever he had to face with the guy behind him. Taking a deep breath, Louis turned around. The man who was helping the lady at the jewelry counter had caught up with him, looking red in the face. “I’m going to need you to hand over the wallet and come with me,” he repeated himself.

Louis slowly gave him the wallet and tried to back away, only to bump into someone. When he glanced up, it was the guard who had been by the door, giving him a warning look. He was cornered and Louis felt himself growing irritated. Why did he need to go anywhere with them when he returned the wallet without having taken anything? This better just be a warning, or something, because anything more and Louis would be pissed. If he didn’t get anything out of it in the end, then what was the point?

The man led Louis into a back room where he could see several people sitting at their desks. The man approached one of them, no doubt relaying what had happened as they all kept an eye on him. The woman who he’d stolen from walked in moments later. They handed her the wallet and she saw herself out, giving Louis a dirty look as she did. Louis rolled his eyes. Maybe keep a better eye on your fucking shit next time? People were ridiculous.

It felt like he was in there for hours. They asked Louis for his name and information, and Louis thought maybe they’d let him off the hook and just prohibit him from coming to the mall, but then he was led into another room, looking exactly like the questioning rooms they had in jail on TV. There was a table and four chairs around it with a single light bulb hanging on top. Louis couldn’t believe how serious this place was taking themselves. He actually had a security guard escort him in and as he sat down, his mom burst through the door, looking furious.

“Mom?” Louis said. “What are you doing here?”

“They called me, Louis. They called me at work,” she said to him, sounding exhausted as she sat down beside him. Following her in was Dan, his mom’s latest boyfriend, who gave Louis an awkward smile. Louis didn’t return the pleasantries, instead focused on his mother. He hated Dan more than he hated Mark, and that was saying something.

“It wasn’t a big deal,” he said.

“It wasn’t a big deal?” she cried. “Louis, you were stealing. Since when is stealing not a big deal?”

“I gave the wallet back!”

“That doesn’t make what you did okay. If you didn’t get caught, you’d have gone through with it. What then, huh?”

Louis didn’t respond. He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and got ready for whatever lecture was about to take place.

**«»**

They gave him community service.

Which...Louis just didn’t understand. Two of the top security members showed up and asked Louis a few questions, mostly why he was stealing, and he didn’t have anything better to say or do other than just shrug. What was he going to say? That he wanted to do something nice for Harry but didn’t have enough money to provide for it, so he just wanted to take an easy way out? No. Louis wasn’t going to say any of that. He remained silent, which was frustrating them, he could tell.

Then talk came up about pressing charges and writing up an agreement that Louis would never set foot into that mall. But of course, Dan had to swoop in and sweet talk them into not pressing charges, but rather pick another form of punishment. So, they decided 100 hours of community service this summer while also keeping intact the mall probation. They, for some reason, gave him a list of different things he could do for community service: pick up trash, help build a house, and volunteer at the library, among others. Louis chose the latter because it was hot as fuck out in California, and he wanted to stay cool indoors at the library.

After that was settled, they had Louis sign a few documents before being let go. While walking to the car parking lot, Louis started going toward the sidewalk leading back into town when his mom stopped him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked, frowning.

“Walking home,” he responded.

“We can drive you, you know.”

“Not interested,” he replied.

“Well, are you at least going to thank Dan for what he did for you back there?”

Louis shook his head, not feeling an ounce of emotion other than anger. He hated that he was being put in a position where he would have to thank anyone. He didn't want any favors from this asshole his mother decided to date. Dan was going to prove to be like every single one of them before. Stay for a while, show what a fucking man he was by knocking her up, and then walk right the fuck out. And Louis hated that he got caught and he had to rely on this bastard to get him out of it. Louis never got caught and he was angry with himself for it. He was going to have a conversation with Nick about this money situation because he needed more. Enough was enough.

His mother simply sighed, the fight draining from her already, before getting into her car. Louis continued to walk and stopped when he got to the diner. There wasn’t a rush since it was between lunch and dinner, so they were serving only a few tables when he walked in. Harry was talking with a few girls from their school, all of them fluttering their eyelashes up at him while he smiled at them politely.

God, they were pathetic. Louis marched right up to them at their booth, wrapping a possessive arm around Harry’s waist. Harry leaned into it, so used to Louis’ touch and beamed at him. “Hi,” he said. “You remember Kayla, Hannah, and Lily, right?”

“Kind of,” Louis brushed off, barely sparing them a glance. “I need to talk to you.”

“Oh, okay,” Harry said, turning to face him in his arms. “Everything okay?”

“I just ̶ I don’t feel good,” Louis gulped, the day’s events catching up to him as he looked into Harry’s kind, concerned eyes. As soon as Harry looked at him, his resolve started crumbling and he knew he was close to a breakdown, which he wasn’t keen on doing in public or in front of anyone that wasn’t only Harry.

Harry could sense it, so he leaned forward and kissed Louis’ cheek. “Give me a minute. Meet me outside. Sound okay, baby?”

Louis nodded, swallowing back his tears. He walked out of the diner and went over to where Harry’s car was parked. He leaned back against the passenger side door and five minutes later, Harry walked out. His apron and hairnet was gone, and he was holding his backpack in his hand. Louis stood up straight upon seeing him.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Asked Dad to give me the rest of the day off. Gemma’s back in town anyway, and he’s going to ask her to take my spot.”

“Harry,” Louis said as Harry moved close enough to back him up against the car. “You didn't have to leave work for me. I just needed a minute.”

“You’re upset,” Harry said. “I’m not going to leave you alone when you’re upset. You deserve all my attention and time.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Louis started feeling choked up again and he pulled Harry in by the shoulders, hugging him tightly against his chest. Louis closed his eyes, letting a few tears drop. Thank God there was no one in the parking lot with them, so Louis let himself relax for a few minutes, standing there with Harry holding him up. Eventually, Harry pulled away, wiping a few of Louis’ stray tears from his face with his thumb.

“Let’s go. I’ll drive you somewhere,” Harry said.

“We going on a road trip, babe?” Louis smiled, the first one all day.

“Yes,” Harry nodded, pecking him on the lips once.

While Louis got in the passenger side, Harry put his backpack in the back trunk and then got in the driver’s seat. After buckling up, Harry pulled out of the parking lot and Louis started messing around with the radio. He couldn’t find anything decent on any of the channels, so he plugged in his phone with the AUX cord and went directly to his favorite Blink-182 song, putting it on repeat.

Harry, being the good sport he was, sang along to the song with Louis over and over the entire thirty minute drive. He didn’t complain once, even when Louis was out of tune, and Louis loved him so much. Harry drove past the town onto some barren, dirt roads where there weren’t many houses or stores. It was quiet, though, which was nice. He pulled up in front of the forest, gesturing for Louis to get out. Louis was confused, but trusted Harry enough to follow him out. Harry locked the car and then took Louis’ hand, leading him into the forest.

“Are we going to hook up out here?” Louis asked, half-joking.

Harry snorted, shaking his head. “Not unless you want to. Forest sex would be hot, though.”

“Get mud all over your perfect skin, make you all dirty,” Louis teased.

The two of them giggled, walking further in. It seemed Harry knew his way around. At some point, Louis could hear water and only saw it when they stepped through a narrow set of bushes. It was a ravine, privately set away from the rest of the forest.

“Where’d you find this?” Louis asked, turning to Harry.

“Found it with Liam once,” Harry explained. “We were biking and ended up next to the woods and Liam decided we should hike a bit then stumbled upon this. Always wanted to come back, but never got around to it.”

Harry let go of Louis’ hand, taking a seat on the grass, facing the water. He then pulled on Louis’ hand, tugging him down to sit in front of him. Louis easily went, leaning his back against Harry’s chest. Harry wrapped his warm arms around Louis and he instantly felt like nothing would be as peaceful as this right here.

Louis closed his eyes, letting his head rest on Harry’s shoulder while Harry ran his fingers soothingly over his arms. He could feel all of the emotions from today drain away with every touch. Louis let out a soft, pleased sound and turned his head to kiss the underside of Harry’s jaw.

“You’re too good for me,” he said quietly, gazing up at Harry.

“Louis,” Harry frowned. “Don’t say that. You deserve good things, whether you like to admit that or not.”

“I think you’re the only one who thinks that, actually.”

“I don’t know if that’s true. Besides, who cares? It doesn’t matter what they think, right? Because the truth is always that no matter what you do, you still deserve good things.”

“I just...I don’t know,” Louis sighed. “I feel like I’m so lucky sometimes because I have you, and it makes me feel like I might not deserve you.”

“Please don’t say things like that. You deserve me, baby,” Harry replied gravely. He leaned forward to kiss Louis on the lips, holding his face with one hand while the other securely held him around the waist. Louis melted into it, allowing Harry to steal every single one of his breaths with his kisses. They were chaste and dry, but long and lingering. Harry looked flushed when he pulled away. “Did something happen today?”

Louis contemplated whether he should tell Harry. He’d have to explain so much and there was no doubt that it would disappoint Harry to some degree. Louis didn’t want that. He didn’t want Harry to move away from him or stop kissing him. He really didn’t want to fight right now.

“Just stupid shit. Got into a fight with my mom and Dan was there,” Louis briefed him as vaguely as he could.

“You need to be nicer to your mom,” Harry said. “She’s not bad, Lou.”

“I know she’s not bad.”

“Then why are you only nice to me?” Harry asked. “Why am the only one that you show this side to?”

And well ̶ he wasn’t the first person to ask Louis that. It would take so long for Louis to explain that Harry was different. He was everything and Louis didn’t care about anyone else. Of course Louis was going to be nice to him. Louis would do everything for him.

“Because you’re the only person I need,” he settled on, turning to face the water and away from Harry’s curious gaze. Harry didn’t push him, but he did hold Louis a little tighter and gave him more kisses, so that was all that mattered.

**«»**

The annual carnival pulled up into town toward the end of July. Harry was excited, planning a big night of meeting up with all of his friends, and he was also bringing Louis with him. Louis wasn’t a fan of these things. He used to be when he was younger, but it was the same shit every year and he was bored of it at this point. The rides never changed, the games were always annoyingly hard to win, and they still wouldn’t serve him beer at the beer truck, so he always had to settle for lemonade.

Harry was still insistent that Louis came with him this year because he wanted to ride the ferris wheel with him and make out when they got stuck at the top. And who was Louis to deny a perfectly good makeout session? Harry was timing it exactly during sunset and it endeared Louis how much Harry ate up all this romantic shit.

They walked hand-in-hand to the carnival, the smell of cotton candy and popcorn in the air while people shrieked from the Tilt-a-Whirl and laughed while running from one part of the carnival to the other. Louis stayed close to Harry, who led the way inside toward where his friends were. When they found them, they were next to the stage as some lady sang country songs. She had a cowboy hat on and everything.

Liam was the only one of Harry’s friends who gave Louis a proper greeting. The rest ̶ Sophia, Jenna, Ian, and Dylan ̶ kept their distance, watching him warily. Fucking nerds. The group of them walked toward the food stands to grab something to eat first. Harry got hot dogs for both him and Louis and a plate of fries to share. Once they finished, they all grabbed iced drinks (lemonade, of course) and walked toward the game booths. There was still two hours to sunset, so they weren’t going to venture over to the rides yet, per Harry’s request.

The first game booth they went to they found people shooting water into a hole, propelling rainbow colored bears upwards, racing each other to get to the top. Louis sat it out as did Harry, keeping close to him and holding onto him while watching the crowd. Liam sat on the seat beside them, getting ready to hold his water gun at the right angle. They were still waiting for the other seats to fill, though, and Liam turned to the two boys to chat.

“Hey, Louis. I heard about what happened at the mall,” Liam said conversationally.

Louis’ eyes snapped over to him, heart rate picking up. He could also feel Harry leaning into hear what Liam was saying.

“My mom works at Macy’s, so the employees were talking about it. It’s a good thing they didn’t press charges. That could get so messy, apparently,” Liam continued, oblivious to what he was saying and in front of who. He probably didn’t know that Louis didn't tell Harry. Louis was hoping not to have to do it at all. Little did he know that the employees at the mall were fucking gossips and word was spreading pretty quick.

“Press charges?” Harry asked, voice quiet as he looked between Liam and Louis.

Liam nodded slowly, suddenly aware that Harry didn’t know, and he eyed Louis warily as he answered. “They didn’t. They decided to just give community service. But they usually do press charges when it comes to stolen items. That’s the policy as far as my mom knows.”

A loud, shrill ring came from the game, signalling that they were getting ready to start. Louis stared at the ground, wishing it would open up and swallow him whole because he was not looking forward to whatever it was that was about to happen with Harry. He knew he would have to explain and he really didn’t want to. He looked at everyone playing, laughing and cheering as they did, and then felt a tug on his hand.

Here goes nothing.

Harry didn’t take him far. There was a tiny opening between two tents where vendors were selling homemade goods and it was private enough for them to slip away. Harry stood in front of Louis, letting go of his hand and looking at him with a firm gaze.

“What happened at the mall?” he asked, voice strangely calm.

“It’s honestly, like, not even ̶”

“Louis, _please_ tell me.”

Louis ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends. “I got caught stealing and they took me in for questioning, or whatever.”

“What?” Harry breathed out, jaw dropping as a devastated expression took over his face. “Oh, God. Louis, why?”

“I don’t know,” he said, his face turning red. He felt embarrassed and didn’t want to tell Harry he was trying to steal to get him a gift. Harry never had money issues before, what with the family business and getting to work there. It was humiliating having to admit that he had to resort to stealing so he could treat Harry to a nice night out. “Mom came in and brought Dan along and they got the store to not press charges by giving me community service at the library. It was so fucking stupid.”

“Fucking stupid? Louis, are you kidding me?” Harry cried, trying to be as quiet as possible so that no one could hear them. “You got caught stealing and you’re acting like it’s nothing. You told me you didn’t do that anymore.”

“I don’t,” Louis shook his head. “Or, at least, I hadn’t in a while.”

Harry groaned, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and glaring down at the ground. “You’re so lucky they didn’t press charges, you know that? You don’t know what could have happened. Like they could have put you away or given you fines.”

“Oh, please. I just took a wallet and then gave it back.”

“They could still press charges, you asshole!”

“Well, they didn’t, Harry,” Louis shouted back. “I got away. The whole thing’s done now, so can we drop it?”

“No, we absolutely can’t. First of all, you have no care about the consequences of your actions! You need to start giving a fuck and know that you won’t always get lucky. Second of all, why didn’t you tell me? Why do you always fucking hide things from me?”

“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d react this way. Do you hear yourself? I feel like I’m being reprimanded by my mother.”

“Just because I care about you and don’t want you to do stupid shit doesn’t make me your mother, Louis! God, you’re so fucking stupid sometimes.”

“Right, right,” Louis laughed drily. “You’re the smart one, right? Mr. Valedictorian, accepted to every college you got into. Everyone loves you and you’re going to go so far. I’ll just stay fucking stupid in this stupid fucking town with all these stupid fucking people.”

Harry sputtered, gaping at Louis. “What the fuck? I wasn’t saying that. You’re completely deflecting from the point I’m trying to make.”

“How about this?” Louis said loudly. “We drop this. I did what I did, it’s now over, and you screaming at me over it isn’t doing anything. I’m done talking about it.”

Harry watched him for a moment, brows furrowed before nodding. “Fine. Do what you want.”

He pushed past Louis and walked out, presumably to where his friends were. Louis stood there for ten seconds, giving himself time to recuperate and then followed Harry. He found him further down the game booths and sidled up beside him, quiet and hesitant. Harry didn’t turn to look at him, even when Louis placed a hand over the small of his back. He continued to laugh and talk with his friends and Louis decided maybe Harry just needed a moment. Their conversation was heated, after all, and they hadn’t really resolved anything.

But then it rolled into an hour and then some more. Harry still wasn’t talking to Louis, brushing his hand away and moving away whenever he came near. It was getting to be awkward because all of his friends could tell that something was wrong between them and none of them were brave enough to ask since it would be awkward if they did. A part of Louis just wanted to admit he was wrong, apologize, and then move on, but it didn’t feel like Harry was looking for an apology from him. He wouldn’t even speak to him, for one.

Maybe Louis needed to be a more direct with his gestures, instead of lingering touches and long gazes. A few minutes before sunset, he looped his fingers through Harry’s, who despite being mad still held his hand back. “Hey,” Louis said to him. “Ferris wheel?”

Harry met Louis’ eyes and he looked stony, expression hard to read. “Not feeling it anymore.”

“Harry,” Louis huffed, trying to make light of the situation despite the lump forming in his throat. “Come on. That’s the whole reason you wanted me to come, right? It’s why you brought me here with you.”

“Yeah, I did, but I don’t want to go on the ride together anymore and be romantic and kiss, Louis!” Harry snapped.

Louis stared at him, stunned and unable to respond. He didn’t think that just because Harry was mad at him, he wouldn’t _want_ Louis anymore. The very thought was insane to Louis. Even when Harry made him mad, Louis always wanted him. He craved him even when they screamed at each other. When they didn’t speak after their fights, Louis still thought about Harry. He constantly thought about kissing him and touching him. But Harry didn’t feel the same, apparently. He was simply tolerating Louis at the moment because he probably didn’t want to create a huge scene in front of his friends.

But Louis wasn’t going to just grin and bear it. If Harry wanted to fight, then Louis would fight. If Harry was going to be mean, Louis was going to be meaner.

He snatched his hand away from Harry, matching his angry expression. “Then I don’t know why I’m here if this is how you’re going to act with me the entire time,” Louis gritted. “I’ve been trying all night and all you’ve done is ignore me over something so fucking stupid. I fucking hate you sometimes, you dick!”

Harry didn’t respond, backing away from Louis and remaining stoic, like he wasn’t going to give into Louis no matter what he said or did. Louis turned around and started walking away, his speed increasing from anger with every step he took. Just as he turned the bend, he turned to look back and saw Harry still watching him, his expression now seeming sad by the way his mouth was turned down. Louis glared back at him, despite that, and kicked at the trash can that was in his way before walking out.

Louis took his phone out when he was a good block or two away from the carnival. He had a few texts from Zayn and Niall. They’d gone to hang out at Nick’s and were smoking joints and drinking. Deciding he needed to get fucked up, Louis showed up and did exactly that.

A joint and three beers later, he was curled up into a ball on Nick’s stinky couch, thinking back to what Harry had said to him. He knew Harry wasn’t trying to parent him. He cared so much, more than anyone, and Louis just kept letting him down. Not that Louis was suddenly in a forgiving mood. He was still pissed, but he was also drunk and high and he loved Harry so much. And right now, even though his pride was telling him to stay there and fuck about with his friends, he wanted Harry. He wanted to make up with him, hold him tight and drown himself in him until they forgot everything that they were mad at each other about.

“Where are you going?” Niall asked when Louis stood up from his ball on the couch.

“Back to Harry,” Louis responded.

Zayn snorted where he was laying on the big couch next to Nick, who had been knocked out for the past hour. “You literally cursed him out an hour ago and told him you hate him,” he said.

“What’s your point?” Louis glared at him.

“Give it a rest, Lou. Let him cool off. I mean, you lied to him, so he’s obviously mad. And then you threw a fit.”

Louis tried to level his voice as he responded, fighting the urge to not throw everything in sight at Zayn. “I know I talk to you guys about him, but don’t try to act like you know anything about us and what we do or what we have. So next time, I’d rather you fuck off.”

For the second time that night, Louis stormed out. He wasn’t sure if Harry was even still at the carnival, but he still went. It took a few rounds around the lot to spot him. Him and his friends were by the game where you fished with the small swimming pools placed in the booth. Louis steeled himself, hoping he didn’t reek of alcohol and weed, and walked as steadily as possible over to Harry. Harry didn’t notice him at first, and Liam had to gesture over to Louis for Harry to turn and look.

Harry’s smile vanished slowly and he once again had that same disappointed, angry and sad look on his face. It was sort of crazy how Louis could bring the biggest smile on Harry’s face, but also make him look like that. He rained all over Harry, but then he could also be his umbrella.

“I wanted to talk,” Louis said, moving closer and ignoring everyone's curious glances their way. His words were slightly slurred and he missed a step, stumbling a bit.

“Not right now,” Harry shook his head. “We’re going to finish up here and grab a bite. Plus, I know you’re not sober right now, Lou.”

“Harry, _please_ ,” Louis pleaded, trying to get Harry to look him in the eye. He placed his hands over Harry’s shoulders, but Harry shook him away.

“I don’t want to talk right now. Why don’t you get that? You can’t always do shit and just show up intoxicated and be ready to talk. That’s now how things work.”

“I was upset,” Louis tried explaining, watching as Harry pulled his phone out and started texting someone. “I know I should have just told you, Harry. Like, I really want to talk.”

When Harry didn’t respond and continued to text, Louis took a deep breath.

“Harry,” he said. “Harry, please talk to me.”

Harry still ignored him, his brows furrowed in concentration as he focused on whatever it was that was on his phone. This was so unlike him and Louis didn’t even know how to get through to him. He moved closer and snatched Harry’s phone out of his hand, holding it loosely in his hand.

“Harry ̶”

“ _Louis_ ̶”

They both grappled for the phone, but then because Louis hadn’t gotten a firm grip on it, he felt it slip from his fingers and twirl through the air before landing with a plop into the water in the booth.

It grew extremely quiet, everyone holding their breaths while Harry stared at his phone submerged in the water. He instantly bent down and snatched it, but iPhones were definitely not built to be in water.

“What the _fuck_ , Louis?” Harry roared.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Louis mumbled, eyes wide in shock at what just happened.

“No, Louis. Sorry isn’t going to fix my fucking phone. It’s not going to fix the fact that you hid shit from me. And it’s not going to fucking fix shit tonight! So can you please leave me the fuck alone?”

Everything felt even more quiet after that. Louis’ face burned from embarrassment and he knew that standing there, he was only making things worse and awkward for everyone. He slowly backed away and made his way to the exit, not looking back this time.

**«»**

Louis’ first day of community service was already off to a weird start.

He’d done the right thing by choosing the library since it was hot as balls outside and the AC inside was comfortable and cool, but the atmosphere here was getting under his skin. Everything was so quiet, prim, and pale. The colors on the wall were this creamy, off-white shade, the shelves and tables were a murky, tan brown, and the computers were ancient, boxy things. Louis’ “co-workers” were a bunch of old ladies who wore skirts down to their knees and glasses that matched their cardigans.

The good part was they were actually sort of nice. They helped Louis do the first of his few tasks, which included shelving books, monitoring the computer usage, and looking after stock that come in. It was all relatively easy, however, Louis was bitter.

He could think of a hundred other things he could be doing rather than this. Number one being, making up with Harry because things were still bad. They hadn’t spoken in six days and Louis was getting antsy. He hated leaving things unresolved with Harry, but Harry was holding down his front. A big part of that might be because he didn’t have a phone now, thanks to Louis, but Louis was working on that.

Until then, he was stuck here and he was going to pout about it even if Barbara, one of the old ladies that worked at the library, offered him some cookies that she baked. He was currently on shelving duty, sitting on the ground to be on better eye level with the lower shelf, and found himself glaring down at a picture book about a moon trying to find the stars. Enraged at his current situation, Louis grabbed the marker he had on him for marking certain things off a checklist he needed to refer to while shelving, and started drawing dicks all over the book in front of him.

When he was finishing, he felt a swooping, sinking feeling in his stomach. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that...but it was already done. Louis closed the book and quickly put it on the shelf, hoping whoever takes it out next isn’t a child who could possibly be scarred by graphic drawings of penises on moons.

“Louis.”

Louis startled, clutching his chest as he fell back on his ass to find Zayn and Niall staring down at him, confused and sort of smug. “When the fuck did you get here?” he asked them, slightly breathless. He was still a little shaken from what he’d done to the book and for some reason, the action was boring down on him. It didn’t feel right. He’d done it out of anger, and he was still angry, but now with a little guilt laced in there.

“Just now,” Niall replied. “The librarians at the front said you’d be here.”

“Everything alright?” Zayn asked, giving him a curious look, eyebrows raised in question.

“Fine,” Louis replied, gulping as he stood up to his full form. “Working, or whatever.”

“We thought we’d come by to give you some company,” Niall smiled, leaning back on one of the shelves. “How’s it going so far?”

“Boring. Nothing much to tell.”

Zayn snorted. “You seem a bit grumpy. Not liking this, I’m assuming.”

“Of course, I’m not fucking liking this, Zayn. It’s meant to be a punishment for a reason.”

Both boys raised their eyebrows at each other, considering Louis’ outburst as he continued to shelve books, not even paying attention to see if it was going in the right slots or not. He didn’t really feel good about showing his friends an attitude, but he was also really upset with his current situation and his fight with Harry. He really just needed to talk to Harry, and then maybe, he’d feel better. But Harry didn’t want to talk.

“We get you’re in a mood,” Niall said, following Louis as he moved his cart further down the aisle. “But we came by to tell you there’s going to be a party tonight. Lindsey Faulkner’s throwing it. Her parties are fun and can get crazy. It’ll be the perfect way for you to blow off your steam. How about it?”

Louis eyed his friends before grabbing a book off the cart. Niall was always the one trying to keep things civil between them if it gets tense. He was a good natured guy and never wanted any trouble. Zayn, on the other hand, didn’t always take Louis’ shit and he was currently giving Louis an icy, disinterested glare, no doubt irritated by Louis’ tone and words earlier. It was rare that the two fought, but when they did, it was fiery and on the verge of violent. Niall always made sure they made up to keep the balance in the group.

“I don’t know,” Louis answered. “I’m not in a party mood, and I honestly, I feel like shit.”

“Well, would you be interested in going if Harry was going?” Niall asked.

At that, Louis’ eyes flashed over to his friend. “What? He’s going?”

Niall nodded. “His friend, Ian, told me they were all going.”

If Harry was going, things changed a little bit. Louis could talk to him, reason with him, and make up with him. It wouldn’t be easy, especially in a public setting where it’d be hard to really have Harry listen to his apology that was ready on the tip of his tongue since the moment Harry walked away from him at the carnival, but Louis would do anything. He always would for Harry.

“Okay,” Louis said. “I’ll come.”

**«»**

Lindsey Faulkner’s party was well past started when Louis, Zayn, and Niall showed up. They’d each had a beer from the corner store before walking over. The house was packed and humid, bodies flitting from room to room. The music was turned up high and everyone was shouting over it to talk to one another. This was exactly what Louis had been afraid of, but this was also the only way he was going to be able to see Harry tonight.

Louis led the way for him and his boys upon their entry through the door. He made a beeline for the living room where a crowd of people were dancing while another group were sitting on the couches, having pushed them closer together to talk. When he didn’t spot Harry, Louis continued to walk until he got to the hallway that led to the basement as well as the kitchen.

“I know you’re looking for Harry, but do you mind if I go downstairs?” Niall asked. “That’s usually where the stoners are and I’m hoping for a joint.”

“Same,” Zayn raised his hand, looking bored in his surroundings.

“Do whatever you want,” Louis rolled his eyes, already walking away from them. They had no worry regarding anything in life, while Louis was not only stuck doing community service for several weeks, but his relationship was on the rocks and he needed to fix it pronto. When Louis got to the kitchen, he still couldn’t spot Harry, and he was starting to feel down. What if Harry decided to not show up at all?

As Louis went to check outside, Kieran Thomas from school stopped him, offering him to do shots with him and a few other people. Louis almost refused, but decided to go for it. He was tensed up and stressed. Shots could actually help him loosen up. There were three laid out for each of them and on the count of three, everyone lifted them up one by one and downed them, including Louis. By the end, not only did Louis feel lightheaded, but he also felt a lot more relaxed and cheery. He spoke a bit with everyone to catch up and then sauntered out through the backyard doors.

Harry looked up as soon as Louis stumbled out noisily. His mouth caught on a gasp, he stared at Louis for a short ten seconds before looking away and sipping out of his red cup. Louis frowned to himself and straightened up, taking steady steps down the porch steps until he reached the grass. Harry was a few feet away and Louis just needed to get to him. Walking proved to be difficult, though, and Louis stumbled on occasion until he finally got to Harry and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hi,” he said, voice quiet.

Harry’s lips twitched like he was going to say something and he stilled for a nanosecond before going back to the conversation in front of him. He heard Louis, he reacted to it, but he wouldn’t acknowledge him. It stung more than Louis expected.

“Harry,” Louis said a bit more loudly. “C’mon. I want to talk to you.”

Harry gulped this time, his body shaking from how conflicted he was. Louis hoped he was wearing him down to at least listen. He didn’t know how much longer he could take Harry giving him the silent treatment.

The moment passed and Harry made no move of acknowledging Louis. Hurt, frustrated and angry, Louis turned away, walking toward the house. His vision was blurring from the tears forming in his eyes, but he still managed to stomp up the porch steps only to collide with Mason, one of Harry’s friends.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Mason said, getting a good grip on Louis so that he didn’t fall backwards down the steps. “You alright?”

Louis attempted to wipe his eyes and nodded. “Yeah,” he said, peering into Mason’s brown eyes. “I’m fine. Um, hi.”

“Hi,” Mason smiled softly. “You just get here?”

“Yeah,” Louis replied as Mason slowly let him go. “A little while ago. Niall and Zayn are somewhere too.”

“Sweet. I’ll have to meet up with them.”

Mason was a mutual friend between Harry’s group and Louis’ group. He got along with Niall really well and hung out a lot with Harry and his friends. He was also gay and good looking. Not only was he tall, but he was also built and muscley, had a pretty smile, and his eyes sparkled when he looked at Louis. If Louis wasn’t with Harry, if he wasn’t so head over heels for him, he would definitely be interested in Mason.

He wasn’t, though. Harry was it and Louis’ only one.

Right now, however, in a drunken haze, Louis wanted to see what it would be like if, for a moment, he wasn’t tied forever with Harry and could actually entertain the idea of being with Mason.

He smiled, stepping a bit closer. “I haven’t seen you in a while,” he said to the other boy. “What have you been up to?”

“Gearing up for college mostly,” Mason responded. “Got a full scholarship to Berkeley, so I’ll be headed there in a few weeks.”

“Holy shit, Mason! _Berkeley_. That’s huge. I’m so proud of you.” Louis lunged forward, unsteady and imbalanced, and hugged Mason. His arms wrapped tight around him and Louis let the hug linger since Mason wasn’t rushing to pull away. He had a beaming smile on his face when Louis got a look at him as they seperated. “You’re going to kill it.”

“I hope so. It’s going to be so different than all of this that we’re used to.”

“It’ll be better. I’m sure you’re going to get adjusted quickly. You’ll probably have tons of admirers, who’ll be swept up by your small town charm and pretty smile.”

Mason’s cheeks dusted a shade of light pink and he laughed. “You’re pretty charming yourself, Louis. Didn’t really know that about you.”

“We should rectify that. Get to know each other better,” Louis agreed, reaching out and placing a hand over Mason’s arm.

Mason glanced over at Harry and his friends before turning back to the kitchen. “I was going to go to the boys, but I don’t mind getting a drink and talking.”

“I’m down,” Louis said, rushed and excited. He was getting a high off of this and he wasn’t even sure if Harry was noticing them. He was just craving attention and if Harry wasn’t going to play it the easy way, then Louis had to resort to other measures. Following Mason inside, the two grabbed beers off the counter and then made their way back outside.

It was easy and fun to talk to Mason because he was a cool guy who tended to get along with everyone. There wasn’t a dull pause anywhere and Louis was actually laughing and having a good time. He wasn’t going to deny that he did let himself lean close to Mason at times and even touched him whenever the opportunity arose. Eventually the conversation led to relationships and Louis couldn’t help but prod to find out what Mason’s been up to lately, or rather who.

“Just broke up with someone, actually,” Mason admitted. “He lives a town over, but we were together a few months, nearing a year. Since I’m going away, we just decided it’d be best to end it now, you know?”

“Sorry to hear that,” Louis said. “I can understand how hard it must be.”

“You mean with Harry?”

“Huh?” Louis frowned. “What do you mean?” Mason started to answer, but Louis shook his head. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about him.”

“Sure,” Mason nodded, understandingly. “What do you want to talk about?”

Louis leaned in closer again. “I’m mad we didn’t get to be closer friends all this time.”

Mason gave him a sheepish smile. “If it’s okay, I’ll be honest, but that was all Harry’s fault. I know you don’t want to talk about him, though.”

“No, no,” Louis shook his head. “I’m curious to know how it was Harry’s fault that we weren’t better friends.”

“Well, I’ve sort of had a low key crush on you for a while, but Harry always disapproved of it. It’s my fault, really. I got too open and confident about it, calling you cute and all that. I know you two are together, so that was my bad. I don’t know why I tested Harry like that. He’s not really pleasant when he gets jealous, let me tell you.”

Louis’ eyes were wide in shock and he couldn’t help the sputter of laughter that burst out of of him. “Are you kidding?” he asked, laughing more when Mason shook his head, smiling sheepishly. “I’m so sorry about Harry. But it’s nice that you think I’m cute. The feelings mutual.”

“You think you’re cute too?” Mason cocked his head to the side.

Louis shoved him playfully. “No, you ass. I’m saying I think you’re cute too.”

“Should you be saying that to me?” Mason asked, motioning behind Louis’ back where Harry was.

“He doesn’t want anything to do with me. We’re good.”

“Wait?” Mason frowned, looking concerned. “Really? Are you ̶”

“It’s fine,” Louis cut in. “How about you go get us some more beer and we can keep this conversation going? I’m very curious to know more about this low-key crush of yours.”

Louis gave him his flirty look, head tilted to the side and lips in a coy smile. Mason blinked at him a few times, starry eyed, and nodded. “I like the sound of that,” he replied, taking Louis’ red cup and walking back inside. He wasn’t gone a second that Harry appeared in front of Louis, eyes blazing in anger.

“Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing?” Harry asked Louis, voice low and quiet.

“I don’t know what you mean what I’m doing,” Louis mumbled, shaking his head.

“What?” Harry frowned, confused. “Louis, you’re so fucking drunk. Why are you here flirting with my friend?”

“Mason is my friend too! I know you may not think that because you told him he can’t have a crush on me or be my friend, really. But we are fixing that.”

“He doesn’t have a crush on you,” Harry shook his head.

“He told me he thinks I’m cute.” Louis paused for a moment. “And I think he’s cute too.”

Harry scoffed, looking annoyed even if he was trying to pull it off as casual. “Do you still not know what you’re doing? Why do you always have to do something stupid to get a rise out of me?”

“Not everything I do is about you.”

“This is.”

“No, it’s not. You wouldn’t talk to me. I’ve been trying to fix things for days and you won’t even look at me. The second I talk to someone else, you’re suddenly talking to me again. Maybe it’s you that’s doing something and not me.”

“That’s bullshit. You’re flirting with my friend. Did you really think I wouldn’t care?” Harry nearly shouted, throwing his hands up in the air.

“I actually didn’t. Because believe it or not, Harry, I’m not that fucking terrible. I was just ̶ I was only talking.”

“I know what you look like when you flirt and you were so flirting.”

“Who cares if I was?” Louis shouted back. “Who the fuck cares? It doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, I’m still yours. I’m fucking yours, Harry, and you know it.”

Harry was breathing heavily, his emotions getting him riled up, and he stared at Louis for a few seconds. Then suddenly, he was coming closer until there was no space left, until his lips were on Louis’ in a bruising kiss. Louis clutched to him, arms coming around to tighten his hold while letting himself sink into the kiss. His eyes fluttered shut and his heart sighed, relieved at being close again with the only one that mattered.

When Harry made a move to pull away, Louis shook his head petulantly, whimpering as he tugged Harry close again for another kiss. He couldn’t get enough of his taste. He’d missed it so much he could do this forever. If only it was appropriate to kiss Harry for the rest of eternity and not do anything else. Louis would be content. He would be content to spend the rest of the night, right here too. Harry could kiss him until he was drunk just like Louis.

“Baby,” Harry cooed, his voice quiet enough to only reach the small bubble they’d formed around themselves. “Baby. Louis.”

“Don’t let me go,” Louis whispered back. “Missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Harry confessed, his lips dragging across Louis’ neck, inhaling his smell. “Missed you so much. You drive me crazy.”

“You’re the one that drives me crazy. We’ve only been apart a few days and I feel like I’ve lost my mind. But I like it, too. I like being this crazy about you.”

Harry kissed him again, swallowing Louis’ words with his tongue. Louis moaned, unabashed, and only after did he register that they were still in public and there were people around. He didn’t want to stop, though. It was Harry who pulled away despite Louis’ protests, and tugged him inside the house. Louis followed wordlessly, still slightly drunk as they passed by other people who fixed them with a knowing look. One of them happened to be Mason, who simply raised his drink at him in cheers. Louis smiled softly and continued to follow Harry out the room.

Louis thought they’d head home, but then Harry started to take him upstairs. When they got to the upstairs landing, Harry leaned his head against a few doors, trying to figure out which one was empty. When they eventually found one, he pushed it open and tugged Louis inside. Louis tightened his hold on Harry’s hand, giggling as he asked Harry to lock the door. Once Harry did, Louis led him toward the made bed and both boys collapsed on top of it, limbs tangled and entwined.

Louis stared at him for a few moments, studying Harry’s face, like the slope of his nose, the freckle next to his lip, and the green of his eyes. He’d missed him so much, his hands started to shake as they reached up to cup Harry’s face. Harry looked at him, concerned as he placed a hand over Louis’ to steady him.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Harry asked, hiking his leg up over Louis’ waist to cover him completely. Louis sighed contently. He liked the feeling of Harry’s body, solid and heavy over him. He felt safe.  

“Just thinking,” Louis responded. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Harry pressed a kiss against the side of his nose, nuzzling the skin there and Louis closed his eyes, twining his calf with Harry’s. He felt like they were locked together. He could stay like this forever, smelling Harry’s floral scented soap, feeling his soft skin against Louis’ own, and being held by him, tight and sure.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Harry whispered.

“I want to stay like this forever,” Louis confessed quietly, his eyes still closed. “With you, forever. I’d give everything I have...all the love in my body, all to you, because I love you, Harry. I’m brutally and crazily and wonderfully in love with you. I don’t deserve you but you choose me. You’re the only one who cares about me...the only one who wants me. You make everything in my life better just by being in it. Sometimes, I feel like I can’t breathe if I’m not with you. You are rooted so deeply in me and I never want you to go away.”

Louis felt a drop of water land on his cheek and he finally opened his eyes to see Harry staring down at him with tears in his eyes. Slightly alarmed, Louis wiped them away and Harry leaned into his hand before dipping down to press his mouth over Louis’, kissing him deeply.

“I love _you_ ,” Harry breathed out. “I love you, too. You deserve me and always have. Please don’t say that.”

They held each other tightly, like they were afraid the other would disappear if they didn’t hold on hard enough. Louis breathed Harry in with every kiss and every word, his heart fluttering in his chest rapidly. He felt a sense of lightness upon saying those words. He didn’t think they needed to say it, but it felt good, regardless. At some point, their heavy make out session started to turn into more and Louis couldn’t help but roll his hips up to meet Harry’s, moaning into his mouth. Harry met his thrusts, grinding down onto him until they were both panting, and no longer kissing.

“If we don’t stop,” Louis said, breathily. “I’m going to come in my pants and that’s going to be a problem since they’re black jeans.”

Harry laughed, kissing Louis on his cheek, affectionately. “I’ve got the emergency lube and condom in my wallet, still.”

“Please,” Louis groaned, rolling his hips up and into Harry’s. He could feel the hard line of his cock, straining against his tight jeans. He knew Harry wanted it just as much and Louis couldn’t wait. He twisted his fingers in Harry’s hair, pulling him in for another kiss, never tiring of that. His lips felt numb and tingly as Harry’s teeth scraped against them.

It was difficult to separate, however, they were eager to get their clothes off. Harry started with his own shirt, pulling it over his head. He unbuttoned his jeans, tugging it off along with his briefs. Then, he began to undress Louis, placing soft, lingering kisses over every bit of skin that he exposed. Louis’ body felt warm under the attention and he squirmed, waiting for Harry to get him where he needed to be.

Harry, on the other hand, seemed to want to take his time. He continued to press wet and warm kisses on Louis’ body, everywhere and anywhere. Louis blushed when he saw how hard Harry was, his cock an angry red, simply from kissing. Eventually, Harry’s hand made its way to Louis’ cock and he gripped it into his fist, letting the precome make for smooth slides. Louis bucked his hips up, letting out a soft moan at how good it felt. He was so fucking eager. He couldn’t remember being this turned on in his life...ever. In all his teenage hormones, Louis felt crazy and he gave up waiting for Harry to pick up the pace.

Louis flipped them over so he was on top and Harry giggled, eyes crinkling shut. “Of course,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“What?” Louis frowned with a hint of a smile on his. He ground his hips down, his cock sliding against Harry’s. The relief felt incredible and he couldn’t help but continue the ministrations.

“It’s so like you to pick up the pace because you’re greedy to come.”

“Well, I’m turned on and I want you right now...preferably inside of me, and you were taking the time of your life.”

“I want to make this feel good,” Harry protested. “Want you to see and feel how much I love you.”

“Is that why you were taking an eternity? Because you love me for life?”

Harry smiled, cheeks dimpling as he rolled them over once more, pinning Louis’ wrists on the bed. “Yes, baby. Love you forever, until the end of time.”

Louis’ heart felt like it was inflating in his chest and he surged up to kiss Harry, square on the mouth with as much urgency and depth as he could manage. While kissing him, Harry reached for the lube. He placed the packet beside them before stroking Louis’ legs until he spread them. Harry sat up, breaking their kiss, and Louis was mesmerized by the sight. Harry’s lips were wet and bitten, his hair messy, and face flushed. This boy was his and he loved him so much.

Harry focused on opening up the packet and spreading the lube between his fingers before sliding them down between Louis’ legs. He rubbed over Louis’ hole, giving him a moment to relax, and then slipped one finger in. Louis clenched down for a few seconds before relaxing enough to let Harry’s finger slide all the way in. Harry’s other hand explored Louis’ body, stroking over his skin. He leaned down to kiss Louis’ neck, biting in some spots and licking over others. The hand that was exploring eventually came to a stop over one of his nipples, pinching, rolling and rubbing it.

Louis moaned quietly, his breathing harsh and labored. He didn’t know where to pay attention to. Harry was filling up his senses. His long fingers were slowly stretching Louis open, his nipples hurt in a pleasurable way, and every love bite that Harry sucked into his neck felt heavenly. All Louis could think in that moment was that there was no one better for him. No one he’d rather be intimate with. It was always going to be Harry, Harry, Harry.

“Think you’re ready, baby?” Harry asked, lifting his head up from where it was resting in the crook of Louis’ neck. His neck felt raw, wet, and a little painful. He loved it.

“Yeah,” Louis breathed out, quietly. “Want it like this.”

Harry smiled, kissing him once before sitting up and reaching over for the condom. He rolled it on himself, making sure to spread some lube over it. When Harry positioned himself and slowly slid in, Louis thought of every time they’d done this. He thought about how none of those times felt wrong or awkward or unsatisfactory. Every single time it happened, it felt perfect, and Louis firmly believed it was because their bodies were made for each other.

He tugged on Harry’s neck, wrapping his arms around it and pulled him down for a hot kiss while Harry rocked into him, deep thrusts that hit him in the right spot every time. Harry eagerly kissed Louis back, but pulled away to breath jaggedly as he worked on upping their rhythm. His expression contorted, focused as he started stroking Louis. He was close, Louis could tell, and Louis moaned, clenching around Harry’s cock. Harry groaned in response, closing his eyes and folded Louis’ legs around him and moved even deeper. It knocked the breath right out of Louis and he started to come.

“Fuck, _Harry_ ,” he whined, arching off the bed and clenching around Harry once more. This pushed Harry off the edge as well, and he let go with a deep, guttural moan of his own.

The two collapsed together, their bodies sticky with sweat and come, but neither cared. Louis held Harry tightly, not planning to let go any time soon, and closed his eyes. It felt like bliss when Harry held him back and whispered how he loved him once more.

**«»**

Louis was nearly finished with the cigarette in his hand when he saw Harry step out of the diner, holding two trash bags as he walked to the trash bins in the back. Louis smiled, tilting his head to the side and admiring his boy.

“Hey cutie,” Louis called out, startling Harry, who turned to look at whoever called out. Louis smirked. “You up for a little fun?”

Harry laughed, looking absolutely delighted by Louis’ flirtatious and amusing greeting. He walked over to where Louis was standing, toward the other end of the alley behind the diner. Louis quickly sucked the last bit of the cigarette before stubbing it on the ground with his feet.

“Hi,” Harry said, once he reached him.

“Hi,” Louis said, reaching out for him. Harry came easily, but when Louis leaned in to kiss him, Harry leaned back, shaking his head.

“You just smoked,” he said, wrinkling his nose.

Louis frowned. “I’m offended.”

“Nothing new, Lou. You know how much I hate the taste of cigarettes. Besides, what are you doing here? I’m not done for another few hours.”

“I have a surprise for you,” Louis said, reaching into his back pocket. He pulled out the brand new iPhone and presented it to Harry, who widened his eyes.

“What is this?”

“Your new phone...since I ruined the old one.”

“Louis...what. I ̶ I can’t take this,” Harry gasped, shaking his head.

“Yes, you can!” Louis insisted. “I got it just for you. It’s the least I could do.”

Harry looked at him, brows furrowed, but Louis knew he was going to give in. “Where’d you get it from?” Harry asked. “iPhones are super expensive.”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it does.”

Louis hesitated. Truth was, he’d taken a big chunk out of his savings. Money he’d put aside from family members when they’d gifted him on his birthdays or holidays. He also sold his laptop. However, he didn’t know how to tell Harry all this. He knew Harry was wondering if it was money from selling drugs or maybe even stealing. It should hurt him that that would be Harry’s default, but he knew he couldn’t blame him. Not like Louis divulged Harry into what he did to get some extra cash.

“Just had some money saved up,” Louis replied quietly. “From my birthdays and Christmas.”

“But ̶ that’s not fair. That’s _your_ money, Lou. I can just...wait until my last plan is up.”

“No,” Louis shook his head, pushing the phone into Harry’s hand. “How am I going to reach you? Please take it, Harry. I fucked up that day at the carnival. Let me make it up to you. I love you, H.”

Harry’s expression softened and he immediately leaned in, kissing Louis, completely forgetting about the phone and the fact that Louis smoked a few minutes ago. Louis pressed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist. “I love you,” Harry mumbled against his lips. “Love you, love you, love you.”

Butterflies swarmed in Louis’s stomach and he wondered if he’d ever tire of hearing Harry tell him those words. He watched as Harry leaned away, smiling softly as he inspected the phone. “This is so, so, so sweet,” Harry said. “Thank you.”

“I felt like it was high time I treated you right,” Louis confessed quietly against Harry’s lips. Harry kissed him again before shaking his head.

“You’ve always been good for me. The other stuff doesn’t matter, right? We’re good together.”

“So good,” Louis agreed, pressing his lips against Harry’s again. He tasted like the apple pie they make at the diner and it was delicious. “I’m happy to make you happy, H.”

“Baby,” Harry cooed. “I’m glad you came by. I was actually going to meet you after work.”

“Yeah?”

“Just wanted to remind you about the basket auction this weekend. You’re going to be there right?”

Louis held in a sigh upon hearing that. The basket auction was an annual town tradition. People made baskets with a picnic of their choice inside and others came to bid on it and whoever wins gets to have a picnic with the basket-maker. It was really an event for couples. They loved to outbid everyone else for their significant other and have a romantic picnic. But other times, it was actually non-couples who got together for the fun of it. Louis’d gone with Harry last year and bid on his basket, but he didn’t want to go again. He hated town events when he had to be amongst everyone while they shot him dirty looks.

“Harry, do we have to do that again?” Louis asked in lieu of an answer.

Harry frowned. “Well, I’d really like to. I love making those baskets and the auction gives the proceeds to a lot of really great charities. It’s for such a great cause.”

“Yeah, but you know how I am during these dumb town things.”

“Please, baby. I was planning to get a really big basket and make all your favorites,” Harry pouted, his green eyes wide and sad.

Fuck, Louis could feel his defenses coming down. He’d already gotten him a new phone. What’s another town event? He sighed and nodded okay. “Fine, I’ll go.”

Harry’s frown was replaced with a bright smile and he pulled Louis in for another round of kissing, pushing him back against the wall of the alley. It made the looming basket auction seem a lot less daunting.

**«»**

There was a large gathering in the town square for the basket auction. It seemed to go on forever and Louis felt stuffy standing amongst the crowd, so he walked over to a shady spot under a tree and kept an eye on what was going on on stage. Basket makers all stood in a line, waiting for their turn, and for some reason, Harry was toward the end, holding a rather big basket and an even bigger smile on his face. He made sure to wave to Louis and beam at him, showing that he was very happy with Louis for showing up.

Louis almost didn’t come. He got a call from Nick about doing some rounds and that could have brought in some extra cash, but he had a shift at the library earlier that morning and had to bail because of that. He didn’t want to let Harry down either, so he came. Once he did, he was reminded of exactly why he hated coming to these town events. Everyone stared at him like he was a plague, contagious and unwelcome. They looked suspicious, holding their belongings tightly to their chests, and no one seemed to like the fact that he’d come at all.

It took a lot of willpower to just ignore and focus on the different baskets being auctioned off. There was a variety. Some baskets went for less than ten dollars, while others rose up to hundreds, depending on who made it. If they were a known chef, then the demand seemed to be much higher. It was finally Harry’s turn and Louis slowly made his way to stand in the crowd again. He’d brought a solid $50 to auction for this basket and he couldn’t afford to go any higher. Plus, he’d like to see someone try to bid on his boy’s basket when he was standing right there.

“Alright, we’ve got Harry Styles here with us, holding a lovely basket full of delicious goods, I bet,” the announcer said, smiling brightly. “Can we get the bidding started? Given the size, I’d say it’s fair to start at ̶”

“Fifty dollars,” Louis said, loudly, cutting the announcer off. Everyone quieted down, zeroing in on him, and he gave them all a look, challenging them to try and outbid him.

“Fifty dollars,” the announcer declared. “Any higher? Fifty, going once. Going twice. And sold! To that gentleman over there.”

Louis strolled up to the center where Harry and the announcer stood. Harry was grinning at him and Louis couldn’t help but smile back. He handed the money to the announcer and took Harry’s hand in his, leading him away. Several people glanced their way, always fascinated by the pair, and Louis once again, dared anyone to say something.

“Thanks for coming, baby,” Harry said, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere. “I’ve got all your favorites in there. And I thought we could go to the park, but by the lake, not the playground. Does that sound good?”

“Whatever you want,” Louis nodded. “I’m excited. Haven’t eaten since this morning.”

Harry continued to chat Louis’ ear off about his day as they walked to the park and across it to get to the lake that was toward the back. It was a secluded area and not always populated. There was a small bridge in the middle, leading to the other side, which led to the next town and highway. Harry picked a spot under a tree that stood over the lake, giving them shade from the bright sun. Before Louis could take a seat, Harry held him back and pulled out a checkered red blanket from the basket.

Louis whistled. “Geez, Styles. You went all out.”

“I did,” Harry nodded, proudly. He laid the blanket out and sat down, patting the spot beside him for Louis to sit as well. He then pulled out the other things from the basket. There were two thick turkey sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, and this special sauce that Harry made, which Louis was crazy for. He also packed fries from the diner, cheddar and sour cream potato chips, chocolate covered almonds, and two cans of chilled coke.

“All my favorite things,” Louis said quietly, smiling as Harry handed him the sandwich. “Thank you.”

Harry turned to face Louis and Louis quickly kissed him firmly on the lips. Harry flushed, not expecting it, and kissed Louis again, a little longer this time. “You’re welcome. Shall we eat?”

The two of them focused on their foods, discussing the other basket makers and what they believed was inside in between bites. When they got to the snacks, Louis filled Harry in on the goings of the library, telling him how he sort of liked the old ladies, but the entire place was still very drab. He also told him how he caught a kid watching porn on the computers and Harry almost choked on his chocolate covered almond at that.

After they finished eating, Louis sighed, feeling relaxed and well fed. He took a long sip of his coke and leaned back on his arms, admiring the view and nice weather. “You know, I’m happy I came to the basket auction,” he started to say. “If only for you and this spread you put together.”

Harry shuffled around, busy with putting their trash and leftovers in the basket and pushing it aside so that he could lie back down with his head on Louis’ lap. “Thank you for coming. I know it wasn’t easy.”

“Well, what’s a couple of glares and whispers from my fellow townies?”

“They’re just haters, Lou. They don’t matter at all. I mean, if they only knew who you are...who I know you to be, I’m sure they won’t feel the way they do about you.”

“I don’t care if they know me or not, though. I don’t ̶  like, I don’t do the things I do so I could make them fear me or hate me, or whatever. I’ve gone years avoiding everyone around here, I can spend the rest of my life living this way.”

Harry was silent for a while, staring out at the lake. Louis reached out and started brushing back Harry’s curls, watching Harry’s eyes close. A little while later, he opened his eyes, blinking up at Louis, squinting against the sun piercing through the leaves of the tree.

“Why did you steal? At that department store that day.”

Louis chuckled nervously, feeling his cheeks blaze up. “It was stupid.”

“Tell me,” Harry pushed.

“I don’t even know anymore. It almost felt like impulse because the lady’s wallet was just, like, right there. Before that, I’d been whining to Niall that I wanted to buy you tickets to that concert you wanted to go to as a gift and I didn’t have money at the time. It felt like the opportunity was presenting itself to me and I just took it.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Lou,” Harry exclaimed, grabbing one of Louis’ hands and gripping it. “You don’t have to impress me or whatever. I already love you so, so much that I think I’m going to go crazy sometimes.”

“Well, I love you, too. Just as much, maybe even more. It feels like the word isn’t big enough.”

Harry smiled at him, green eyes looking a bit weepy. “It doesn’t, does it? I know you don’t care what this town, or anyone, thinks about you, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re a spectacular person and I’m so lucky to have you.”

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis whined, squeezing Harry’s hand again. He felt breathless all of a sudden.

“I just wish you’d see what I see,” Harry continued, voice quiet. “I wish you’d believe in yourself like I believe in you and know that you’re better than cheap pranks and things that will get you in trouble. You hate this place, I know you do, and you have the ability to leave if you want. High school’s over. You’re 18 now. I don’t know why you don’t want to leave.”

“Of course, I want to leave,” Louis said, taken aback by Harry’s words. “I just know I can’t. I wouldn’t know where to go or what to do. I can’t just dream of picking it up and leaving when I have literally no plan.”

He didn’t understand why he’d have to leave. As far as he knew, Harry was going to the nearby college and staying in town. They weren’t going to be seperated, but regardless, something about the future was scary. Louis could feel it ̶ things would change and that was why he never planned anything post high school. Up until then, everything was always written out for everyone. Past that, nothing was set in stone.

“Yes, you can. If there’s anyone who deserves to dream and have everything work out for him, it’s you. You can do anything and be anything you want. I see it in you.” When Louis didn’t say anything, Harry shook his head. “Let’s stop talking about this. It’s ruining the mood.” He sat up, rolling over until he was straddling Louis’s thighs, holding him around the shoulders. With their faces mere breaths apart, Harry stared into Louis’ eyes, staring for long seconds.

“You alright?” Louis asked, quirking his lips up into a smile.

Harry leaned forward and closed the gap between their lips. His warm mouth opened Louis’, their tongues brushing together, smooth and slick. Louis found himself slowly forgetting the worry behind Harry’s eyes, instead letting his arms wrap around Harry’s waist and holding him close. Slowly, Harry sunk them back down on the blanket until Louis’ back was flat on the ground. He grinded down, moving his hips slowly, and Louis groaned against his lips.

“Jeez, that escalated,” he mumbled as Harry worked his way down Louis’ jaw to his neck. “Are you planning to have it out here in public?”

“Are you complaining?” Harry asked, looking at him and arching an eyebrow.

“Nope. Carry on!”

With a loud laugh, Harry kissed Louis again, his hands relentless as they touched him all over, quieting the thoughts in his mind.

**«»**

The opening guitar notes to “What I Like About You” started to play as Jamie Lee Curtis stepped out of her car and headed into a boutique to shop. Louis found it adorable that _Freaky Friday_ was one of Harry’s favorite movies. He loved wholesome, feel-good, early 00’s films and had invited Louis over to watch them with him since it was his day off from the diner. They’d decided to go with all of Lindsay Lohan’s classic today, starting with _Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen,_ followed by _Mean Girls_.

Surprisingly, Louis was having a good time, even though these movies weren’t necessarily his favorites. Harry took breaks between the films and cuddled him, kissing Louis against the couch since they had the house all to themselves. It was one of the more low key nights since summer started. August was here and nearing the end. Soon Harry would be taking part-time shifts at the diner and doing a full-time schedule of classes. Louis wondered when he’d have time to see him once September came around.

Harry started singing along to the song, smiling as he watched the scene play out. Louis found himself watching Harry, instead, eyes impossibly fond. They’d been doing really good lately and Louis thought that a part of it could be because they finally said they loved each other. For some reason that felt monumental, even though at first it seemed unnecessary because it was obvious that they did love each other. They didn’t _need_ to say it.

“What are you staring at?” Harry asked, eyes still trained on the TV.

Louis startled at being caught and he laughed lightly. “You’re more interesting than the movie.”

“Please don’t insult my queens, Jamie and Lindsay,” Harry said, dramatic as always, turning to look at Louis with a playful expression.

“My apologies to them, but I’d rather look at you.”

Suddenly, Harry flopped over from his spot on the couch right onto Louis, covering his body completely as he nosed against Louis’ face. “My softie,” he whispered. “I love you, baby.”

They couldn’t say it enough. They couldn’t stop, the words repeated on a loop every time they saw each other, whispered over the phone, and capitalized in texts.

“Love it when you call me baby,” Louis admitted, feeling a bit emotional. He wasn’t sure why. But moments like these when he had Harry with him, he felt like his heart might burst.

Harry preened as he kissed Louis hard on his cheeks. They stayed in the same spot, unwilling to move away and disentangle. Louis found it more comfortable, anyway. There was something about feeling the weight of Harry over him, like he was grounding him almost. Harry’s head rested on Louis’ chest and they finished the movie. As Harry got up to go see what they could do for dinner in the kitchen, the front door opened, revealing Mr. and Mrs. Styles. Both glanced over at Louis and he waved, slightly awkward as he never had much of a close relationship with either of them. They allowed Harry to see him and be with him, but Louis had a gut feeling that they sort of felt the same way about Louis as the rest of the town. They just never said anything because Harry must have made it clear to them that Louis was going to be in his life, whether they liked it or not.

Mrs. Styles gave Louis a small smile, but Mr. Styles ignored him completely. He made his way up the stairs while Mrs. Styles headed into the kitchen. Louis could hear Harry speak to his mom and it sounded like they were recounting their days to each other, meaning it was going to be a long conversation. Louis stood up, stretching his back and legs. He realized he hadn’t gone to the bathroom in a bit and suddenly needed to go really badly.

He made his way up the stairs, familiar with the house having come here for years, and headed to the empty bathroom. Once he finished up, he walked out only to find Mr. Styles waiting outside the bathroom.

“Oh, sorry,” Louis said, keeping the door ajar and the light on for him.

“It’s alright. How are you doing?” Mr. Styles asked.

Louis faltered, his words stuck in his mouth. “I, uh, I’m fine. How are you?”

“Tired,” Mr. Styles answered. “Had a long day.”

“I’m sure.”

“Have you and Harry been inside all day, then?”

Louis nodded. “We watched movies.”

“Good, good. Harry’s been working really hard all summer. I told him he needed more days off and he should be out having fun. It’s not like he didn’t work hard in high school with all those A’s. But, of course, he’d rather work. He’s trying to save up since he’ll be working less once college starts.”

Louis wasn’t quite sure what to say. He’d never had conversations like this with Harry’s dad before. But he was proud of Harry and how much of a hard worker he was, so Louis smiled and said, “Agreed. I’ve been telling him to take time for himself as well.”

Mr. Styles stilled for a moment, his eyes staring down at the floor, looking like he was trying to contemplate what to say next. “Look, I’m not sure how to say this, but I’ve heard about some of the things you’ve been up to this summer. I ̶ I know Harry has his reasons for keeping you around, but I just want to make sure you don’t ever loop Harry into the stuff you do. He’s a bright kid and he’s got a bright future ahead of him. I wish he’d reach farther, a bigger school with bigger dreams, but I respect him and his decisions even when I don’t agree with all of them.”

Fucking hell. Of course, this was what Mr. Styles wanted to get at. Tell Louis all about his bright son and how he could be doing so much better, as if Louis didn’t already know that. As if Louis didn’t also know that he didn’t agree with Louis and Harry being together.

“Maybe it’s time you both sort of evaluate how things will go. High school’s over, so it’s not going to be like before.”

Was he actually asking Louis to break things off with Harry? Louis was ready to scream, but he fisted his hands and held himself back, keeping a straight face as Mr. Styles continued.

“I hope this doesn’t come across as too forward or rude, but I’m just trying to look out for Harry. I’m not the one raising you, but I am raising Harry and I feel it’s my right to be concerned when the influences around him aren’t so good. Just something to think over, yeah?”

He walked into the bathroom, ending the conversation, and leaving Louis standing outside like a moron. God, he felt so fucking annoyed and livid. His hands were shaking and he wasn’t sure how to calm down. So much of what Harry’s dad said was true. So much of it hit home and took a stab right at Louis’ biggest insecurities. He hated thinking about how he wasn’t good enough for Harry because no one could ever love Harry like he did. The other guys could be good in all kinds of ways, like successful and smart and strong, but Louis would die for Harry if he asked him. He would do anything for him. And Louis hated thinking about how much things would change once this summer was over. How long was Louis going to stay stuck in this limbo where he was comfortable while everyone continued to grow up around him?

**«»**

As Louis left Harry’s house, he sent a quick text over to Zayn and Niall.

_meet me at the convenience store by the town square_

Harry insisted Louis stay back for dinner even though Louis would have rather cut his hands off than sit in the same table as Harry’s dad. Mr. Styles made awkward small talk despite the fact that he just fucking told Louis to stay away from his son because he was a nobody who wasn’t going to amount to anything and all he was good at was getting into trouble. But Louis stayed, only because he could never say no to Harry. They had burgers and fries from the diner that Mrs. Styles brought, and Harry was in a good mood the entire time.

Louis tried to match his mood, but he couldn’t shake off Mr. Styles’ words. He was shaken and hurt, and he just felt so _small_. It was during dinner that he devised his plan, and it sort of helped alleviate the anxiousness he felt. Harry could tell something was off and tried to talk to Louis about it, but Louis assured him it was nothing and he just wanted to go home and sleep. Harry walked him out, closing the front door behind him, and pushed Louis against pillar beside the stairs that led up to the porch. He kissed Louis more deeply than he had all night, putting everything he had into it. Louis moaned quietly, allowing himself to sink into it.

“Thanks for spending the day with me,” Harry whispered, his forehead pressed against Louis’. His fingers trailed down Louis’ arms until they reached his hands and entwined their fingers. Everything was so quiet and still around them, the entire block all in for the night, with only a few rooms lit up.

“I will spend every day with you,” Louis whispered back.

Harry smiled, his dimple curving in as he kissed Louis again. The goodbye lasted another five minutes before they finally parted. Harry went inside and Louis walked to the town square. He might be on cloud nine because of Harry, but he was still enormously pissed off because of Harry’s dad.

When he got to the convenience store, Niall and Zayn were already outside, sharing a cigarette between themselves. The store was only open for another ten minutes, though, so Louis had to get through it fast. He gestured for them to follow and they quickly tossed the cigarette, following him inside. At this time of night, no one was really out, so the place was super dead as they walked through the aisles. It also meant stealing wasn’t an option tonight since it would be too hard to sneak by. Louis didn't mind. This plan was going to be worth spending his five dollars.

Louis grabbed the first lotion bottle he could spot and then hightailed it to aisle 4 where the condoms were. Zayn and Niall matched Louis’ strides, but both looked incredibly confused. When they saw him grab three boxes of condoms, they seemed alarmed.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Niall asked. “Are you and Harry having an orgy party?”

Louis smirked as he walked over to the counter. “Nope. We’re going to leave a little gift for ol’ Mr. Styles at the diner.”

**«»**

The cicadas were loud tonight as Louis walked through the empty streets toward Harry’s house. They hadn’t seen each other since the night before when Louis left to go to the convenience store with Zayn and Niall. Haven’t spoken since Louis got home after taking every condom out of the boxes he bought and covering them with lotion and spreading them all around Styles Diner, namely the meats in the fridge and food products in the back kitchen.

It felt satisfying walking out of there, if only to know the turmoil Styles senior would face when he woke up to head to work the following morning.

However, Louis did find it strange that Harry didn’t reach out once all day. He usually texted Louis, especially when he was going through something. Maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal and Harry just got caught up. As Louis rounded the corner, he texted Harry that he was outside. When Louis got to Harry’s house, Harry was standing outside. He stepped down the steps of the porch and gave Louis a tired smile. Upon closer look, Louis could see the exhaustion seeping off of his face, eyes sunken and face pale.

“You alright, H?” Louis asked, stroking Harry’s cheek with one hand and holding his hand with the other.

“Kind of,” Harry replied, leaning into Louis’ hand and moving closer. “We had some shit go down at the diner.”

Louis raised his eyebrows. “What happened at the diner?”

“The place was completely turned over. Some people came in and ruined everything...the salt and pepper shakers turned over and spilling everywhere, plates and glasses broken, and whatnot. Worst of all, they put lotion in condoms and laid it out everywhere, on tables, chairs, and counters. Mostly on the food, which is now ruined. Dad was losing his shit.”

So it did work. Louis wasn’t sure if he felt good about it, or sort of off since it affected Harry as well. He didn’t think it would. He thought Harry would get the day off, if anything, which was always good.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that,” Louis said.

“Thanks,” Harry sighed, pulling Louis along and sitting on the porch steps with him. He slumped down and rested his head on Louis’ shoulder. “It was a long day. We had to clean and Dad was just so angry. We suffered a really big loss from it.”

“I can imagine.” Louis wasn’t quite sure what to say. He wanted to play it cool so Harry wouldn’t suspect him.

Harry snuggled into Louis a bit more, holding his arms and entwining their fingers together. “We cleaned the whole day. And ̶ it’s ridiculous because Dad thinks you did it. Like, his first guess was you and I got so mad, Lou.”

Louis froze, staring straight ahead, listening as Harry continued.

“He was saying that he couldn’t think of anyone else who would do something like this and it had your name all over it. I argued with him, of course. He had no base to blame you like that. I told him off and was livid. Just so shitty of him. It’s why I didn’t bring you inside. I don’t want him to say anything to you.”

Louis felt his defenses wear down. Something about this suddenly felt so wrong. It was one thing for Louis to pull the prank on Harry’s dad and get back at him for his hurtful words, but it was another to have Harry defend him so passionately, saying that he didn’t do it when he actually did. It almost felt like Louis was lying to Harry and the act itself felt unbearable. Louis couldn’t lie to Harry. Harry believed in him so much ̶ almost too much.

Mr. Styles’ words rang through Louis’ head again. Louis knew he was right in some sense. It just didn’t feel good for Louis to manage to prove his point that he was never going to be good enough for Harry only a couple hours after the conversation. Harry was the golden boy. Harry deserved better than for Louis to sit there while Harry defended him  ̶ _trusted_ him.

“You’re not upset, are you?” Harry asked, glancing up at him. “I’m sorry for my dad. I’ve told him, Lou. I told him you could never do something like this. Not to me.”

Harry leaned in closer, kissing Louis softly on the lips, letting it linger before pulling back. Louis closed his eyes, savoring the moment for a little bit longer before speaking up.

“I’m not mad. I ̶ I actually have to tell you something.”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

With a soft breath, Louis braced himself as the words tumbled out of his mouth. “It was me, H. I did it...last night. I got upset at your dad and I left your house and went to the diner.”

Harry froze beside Louis going completely still. Louis was too scared to look at him, but he could feel it building up, and he had no idea what he was going to say or do. Dislodging his arms from around Louis, Harry turned until he was facing him.

“You did it?”

Louis shakily nodded his head.

“Louis, what the _fuck_?” Harry half-shouted, standing up and crossing the lawn in quick strides, pacing back to Louis again. “How could you do that? How could you fucking do that to me and my family? Do you know the damage you’ve inflicted?”

“I’m sorry,” Louis apologized. “I didn’t mean to do it to you. I was just mad at your dad. He said some awful things to me!”

“Then you fucking talking to me about it,” Harry bellowed, throwing his hands up in the air. “You fucking come to me and you discuss it with me. You don’t fucking go to my family business and fuck everything up. That was two weeks worth of food that you ruined. Two weeks of business that you ruined for my family and hurt us. I make income from it and I’m saving up for myself so that I could pay for my tuition. It’s what we all live off of. You had absolutely no right to do that!”

“Harry ̶”

“No, let me talk! You don’t even work, Louis. I don’t know what the fuck you do to make money, but I don’t interfere with it. Even though you hide your shady shit from me, I let it go. How could you do this? How could you be so mean and spiteful?”

Louis cowered down under his loud voice, chastised and unable to respond. He’d never seen Harry this angry before and he wanted to back himself away and never see this side of him ever. It was awful and terrifying and heartbreaking.

“I’m extremely sorry, H,” Louis said quietly, scared that if he spoke even a little bit louder, something would break. “I didn’t think. I just got so angry.”

“That’s what you always fucking do, isn’t it?” Harry continued to seeth. “You always just fucking do anything that comes to mind to spite and hurt people. Why do you think they say all these things about you, Louis? You don’t ever try to prove them wrong. You just give into it. You do exactly what they expect you to do, don’t you? God, I don’t know why I wasted my breath, defied my own father to defend you when he was right. You are as fucked up as he says, just like _everyone_ says.”

It felt like Harry punched him in the face. Louis gaped at him, unsure if he heard correctly, but it was loud and it was clear enough that the whole block probably heard him. Harry said Louis was fucked up, just like everyone else did. Louis had managed to convince the only person who truly believed in him and had faith that he wasn’t as terrible as they said that he was exactly that.

Harry started to pace again, his expression growing more and more exhausted and defeated. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up until it became a wild bunch of curls, extra springy because of the humidity. He came to a stop in front of Louis and tears spilled from his eyes, making Louis stand up, immediately wanting to comfort him. But Harry backed away, putting his hands up to prevent Louis from touching him.

“I can’t,” he said.

“What?”

“I can’t do this anymore, Lou,” Harry breathed out, his voice so much more quiet than it was before. “I ̶ I love you. I love you so much, but I can’t keep doing this to you, or _me,_ for that matter. These fights, they just seem to be getting worse and worse everyday, and the things you’re doing...I can’t ignore them anymore. This one was personal and I can’t do it anymore.”

Louis’s heart clenched around his chest like a fist, tight like a vice. He struggled to breathe for a second, the words he wanted to say not coming out of his mouth. _No, no, no, no, no, no._ It felt eerily quiet. Louis couldn’t hear the cicadas anymore. He could only hear his heart thrumming in his chest.

“This ̶ this is killing me, you know that?” Harry cried, wiping roughly at his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m doing this, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, though. I can’t be with you anymore.”

“What happened to loving me forever?” Louis asked, his voice breaking. “What happened to loving me till the end?”

“I do love you, you idiot!” Harry shouted again. “Don’t you fucking hear me? I love you despite every shitty fucking thing you’ve done ̶ even to me. I love you to the point where I can’t think of anyone else, ever. But it’s so hard, too. You break my heart, Louis. I watch you do things and you don’t understand what you’re doing. You don’t see the consequences and I’m so tired of saying this to you, it’s making me miserable. I don’t want to keep doing this with you. I don’t want to fight with you, like it’s my job to fucking tell you from right or wrong because it’s not! You know I would do anything for you. I would jump in front of a car for you, I would tear myself apart, but you don’t care how much I care for you. You can’t change for me. Nothing has influence on you ̶ you do what you want and that’s not how life works. How long are you going to keep doing this? Because I’ve had enough. I’m tired. I’m so tired and I’ve reached my limit with you. Do you get it now? Do you fucking get it?”

Harry was blubbering, tears spilling freely from his eyes. He was red in the face with anger, but there was so much sadness behind his eyes and Louis knew. This was killing Harry like it was killing him, each word a punch to the gut.

In the end, Louis shook his head stubbornly because this couldn’t be happening. They fought but they always made up. Why did Harry make it sound so final this time? He continued to shake his head, reaching for Harry, who was still crying in the middle of his lawn, eyes puffy and red. Louis pulled him closer and closer until Harry was against his chest, crying into his neck.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered to him, stroking his back. “I’m so sorry. I’ll change, I promise. I’ll do anything for you, too. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

With his face close to Harry’s, Louis nosed against his wet cheek, breathing him in and tilting Harry’s face until their lips aligned. Harry’s fingers clenched around him, holding him tightly as he kissed back with fervor. He kissed like it was the last time while Louis fought against that and kissed like he was convincing him it couldn’t be the last time.

Louis trailed his kisses away from Harry’s lips, moving down his jaw as he whispered, “I love you. I would die for you.”

Harry shuddered against him, closing his eyes and letting his unshed tears trickle down his face. Then he pushed Louis back, shaking his head. “This doesn’t change anything. I mean it…I mean everything I said.” Harry pulled away slowly, blinking at Louis under the moonlit sky. “You probably don’t get it now. You’re probably thinking that this will be like all the other times. But it’s not and I’m so fucking mad at you for that. One day, when you look back on this, I hope you think about it and I hope you realize that you fucked up. That you’re the one that lost this.”

Growing exasperated, Louis pushed Harry away. “I realize that! I realize that I fuck up _every_ time, and I’m telling you I’ll fix it. Don’t give up on us. I’m begging you.”

“And I’m begging you to see it like I am. This wasn’t just one time, Louis. This has been a culmination of years worth of stuff.”

“So, what? You’re just going to give up on us? On me? Just like everyone else does?”

“I’m not giving up on you. I would never give up on you. That’s not what I’m saying!”

“But you don’t want to be with me anymore. That’s the same thing. You were supposed to be different, Harry! You weren’t supposed to give up on us.”

“Louis, please ̶”

“ _No_ ,” Louis screamed. “You were the only one who I thought would always care about me. I didn’t trust anybody but you.”

“I will _never_ stop caring about you,” Harry pleaded, moving closer to Louis, trying to reach for him. Louis shook his head, pushing him away, feeling like he was choking for air. This couldn’t be happening. Harry couldn’t just leave him, could he?  

Louis sniffled. “I should have known. I should have _known_ this would happen all along.”

“You’re not understanding!” Harry exclaimed.

“I don’t want to. I don’t want to do this.”

How was Louis supposed to walk away? He couldn’t bear to stand there anymore with Harry telling him that he no longer wanted to be with Louis. But Louis also couldn’t leave, couldn’t move on quietly and accept what Harry was saying. If he walked away, it would be over, once and for all.

He watched as Harry wiped his eyes, looking worn out and worse for wear. He locked eyes with Louis, holding the gaze, steady and lingering. “So that’s it then?” Louis asked.

“Will you try to listen to me?”

“If you’re just going to say the same shit again, then no.”

“How am I supposed to do this, then?”

“That’s the thing. You’re not supposed to break up with me. Was I the only one?” Louis asked. “Was the I only one who envisioned the rest of forever with you?”

“No,” Harry shook his head, voice breaking along with Louis’ heart. “No, it wasn’t just you. But sometimes we’re wrong.”

“Fuck you,” Louis spat. “ _Fuck_ you!”

He turned around, marching off the lawn. His shaking hands grappled for something to do and found his cigarette packet in his jeans pocket. Louis pulled one out, slipping it between his dry lips. He could hear Harry following him, his heavy steps loud and fast. While searching for a lighter, Louis felt himself being turned around, facing Harry again. His fingers curled around the lighter and he took it out.

“Don’t walk away like that, please,” Harry reasoned. “I don’t want to end it like this.”

“And I don’t want to end it at all,” Louis replied petulantly. He managed to light up his cigarette, a great feat as his hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

“Louis ̶”

Louis blew smoke right into Harry’s face, making him back away and cough. With steely eyes, he met Harry’s gaze again, and Harry, strangely enough, pouted, his brows furrowed and lips turned in disgust.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “If this is how you want to end it.”

He could tell Harry was crying again before he could even turn around to walk away. Louis watched him go, feeling like his heart was falling to the ground, below his feet, six feet under the ground.

**«»**

It felt like hell waking up the following day. Louis barely slept, instead opting to sit outside on his roof by his window, smoking like a chimney until the sun rose. His lungs felt cloudy and his eyes were bleary, struggling to stay open as he made his way to the library for his community service shift. When he arrived, all of the ladies who worked there were huddled by the front desk, looking up at him simultaneously to see him walk inside.

Louis slowed down, creeped out by the way they were all staring at him, and he lingered by the entryway. Should he just go about his day, or go up to them? He wasn’t sure what was happening. While mulling over his options, one of them finally spoke up. Louis believed her name was Muriel.

“Louis, dear, would you mind coming over here?” she asked, politely.

He’d rather walk out of here and go back to bed, or maybe get another pack of cigarettes until his lungs gave out, but he walked over to the desk. They all looked at him with weary, concerned eyes, and for a moment, Louis wondered if they knew that he was going through a heart wrenching break up that was killing him every second that passed.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, his voice hoarse, most likely due to a number of reasons.

Muriel gave him a sad smile. “We’re afraid you can’t work here anymore.”

“What?” Louis asked, frowning. “Why? I still have hours left, right?”

“You do,” another one of the ladies answered. “But the thing is, we’ve found out that you vandalized many of the children's books with profane drawings and words.”

Louis gulped, feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment as they all looked at him extremely disappointed. “I ̶ I ̶ uh.”

“We were getting complaints from some of the parents,” Muriel said, interrupting his flubbering. “We were very shocked to find what we did. When we checked security footage, we saw that you did it, Louis. And while we really like you as a person, we can’t allow you to keep working here.”

“But you have to,” Louis said desperately. He couldn’t lose another thing in under 24 hours. He couldn’t handle something else going wrong. “I still have hours left. I don’t know if they’ll let me change.”

“We’re sorry,” Muriel said, her mouth downturned. “We’ve called your case workers. They’ve all been informed.”

Louis blinked back frustrated tears, walking backward and away from the group. He ran a hand through his knotted hair and turned, hightailing it out of there because he couldn’t do it anymore. He was so fucking over it and everything. He was going to go home and just sleep this off and maybe then his bad luck would end.

By the time Louis got home with a fresh pack of cigarettes in his packet, he’d already smoked through half of them. When he walked inside his house, he immediately started bolting up the stairs but then heard his name being called from the living room. Stepping back down, he wondered who it could be because everyone was supposed to be out. He found his mom sitting on the couch, her phone in her hand, still in her work clothes.

“I got a call about you just now,” Jay said, sighing deeply. “Louis...what am I going to do with you?”

“Let me go upstairs and sleep because I feel like fucking shit,” he replied honestly.

“Oh, please,” she said, standing up and crossing her arms. “The last thing you’ll be doing is sleeping right now. I want you to go to the case worker’s office and find yourself another community service job. And while you’re at it, find yourself an actual job because the fines that you’ve been given for vandalizing library property will not be coming out of my wallet.”

“Are you done?” Louis asked.

“Will you, for once, own up to the things you do, Louis? You’re an adult now. I should have you out of here, doing your own thing.”

A bitter laugh escaped Louis’ mouth. “Why are you always so surprised by how fucked up I am? Why do you try to parent me in the most bizarre times when you’ve been anything but a parent all my life?”

“Excuse me?” she asked, her voice high and shrill. “I haven’t been a parent to you? I’ve done everything I could for you. God knows where your penchant for getting into trouble came from. Frankly, Louis, you haven’t made it very easy to raise you or be a parent to you, so think again before asking me that.”

“It hasn’t been easy for you,” Louis repeated her words, hysterical and furious. “Do you think it was easy for me when every fucking father figure I had disappeared on my ass? Do you think it was easy for me when you neglected me to save those relationships and you still couldn’t? Then you neglected me for your fucking job. Then you neglected me to raise your other children. It hasn’t been a walk in the fucking ballpark to be your son, either, _Mom_!”

“How dare you speak to me like that?” Jay chastised, her eyes narrowed into slits. “Absolutely no respect. No care about anything.”

“You’re right,” Louis shouted, marching up to her, shaking from head to toe. “I don’t give a fuck about anything. I don’t give a fuck about you. I don’t give a fuck about your family. I don’t give a fuck about this house or this town or anyone. I’d rather I was never born into this stupid place let alone to you because you don’t love me. You’ve never loved me. I was just a fucking burden to you, wasn’t I? A regret that you were left with. That’s why when I acted out as a kid, you just didn’t care enough to tell me that you were on my side when everyone else was against me. You didn’t even care to punish me and teach me right from wrong. And now, when I’m still acting out, you want to talk about respect and care for you as if you’ve ever been a mother to me. Maybe the reason I’m so fucked up is because of you.”

Jay’s face turned ashen at his words.

“I’ll leave,” Louis promised. “I’ll leave and I will never look back and maybe then you’ll finally be rid of me ̶ your troubled son that you never bothered to support in any way other than the bare necessities. Who you never looked in the face and told you loved him. Not once.”

Her eyes filled with tears at that but he turned away. He had no interest in what she had to say or how she wanted to remedy this because there was no remedy. Louis was done.

**«»**

Jay and the girls left for dinner at Dan’s house. They invited Louis to join and he ignored them, especially after that conversation with his mom. He didn’t feel like pretending things were fine and dandy. Instead, he took out his phone and texted the boys.

_party @ my house..no one’s home so tell everyone you know_

Within an hour the place was packed, brimming with people in every corner and room of Louis’ house. Since summer was nearly over, everyone was eager to make use of the last bit of freedom that they had left before whatever fall brought. Within two hours, Louis was smashed, having drank every kind of drink possible from the stash in Jay’s liquor cabinet. He wasn’t even sure if he authorized that, but knowing how pissed he was at his mom, he wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Within hour three, Louis was buzzed from a joint and fucking devastated.

Harry left him.

He really left Louis. He hadn’t called or texted Louis all day, making it abundantly clear that he was moving on. But how could he just forget Louis so fast? How could Harry stop caring so quickly? Was Louis that unloveable and difficult? That Harry could love him like his heart was entirely Louis’ and then forget about him just like that. It hit Louis that he regretted not savoring the days that he did have Harry. He didn’t hold on tight enough and appreciate the solid weight of Harry near him, of Harry’s smell. But maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe all of Louis’ self-doubts were preparing him for this, even if he did feel blindsided. Maybe everything, every single day and moment spent together, were adding up to this.

Louis thought they were permanent. Turned out that wasn’t true, after all. They were both too stubborn, alike in that sense, and they were both too different. If it didn’t happen the night before, maybe it would have happened down the line. Maybe all this time, they were just holding on desperately, pretending that all the things that tore them apart wasn’t there. Maybe they were destined for this. Maybe Louis was going to die from this heartache.

He suddenly felt like his walls were caving in. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe without Harry. The air around him was so suffocating and the smoke everywhere from cigarettes and joints weren’t helping. Coughing, Louis got up, staggering over to Niall, who was red-cheeked and laughing over something Connor Wilson was telling him, the two of them mid-conversation.

Louis pulled at Niall’s arm. “Niall, Niall...I need to leave. Right now.”

“What?” Niall slurred, clearly drunk. “You want to leave your own party?”

“I have to,” Louis insisted, pulling at his arm. “I can’t breathe. I’ll die in here.”

“Fuck,” Niall blinked, following Louis. When they passed by the kitchen, Louis spotted his mom’s car keys. They should drive, he thought. That way they could go a greater distance, maybe even out of this stupid fucking town.

“We should drive,” Louis informed Niall, still tugging him along.

Niall nodded, blasé and understanding, as they pushed past throngs of people. Louis wished everyone would leave but there were too many of them and he didn’t know how to break it up. He had to find a way to breathe first. After walking out the front door, they saw the front lawn was trashed with red cups and toilet paper. Who the fuck did this?

“Who the fuck did this?” he asked out loud.

“I’ve no idea,” Niall laughed, gleefully amused by it all.

Louis stumbled toward the car that was parked in the driveway and got into the driver’s seat. Niall followed, sitting in the passenger seat, his feet up on the dashboard. “Where we goin’? I’ve never gone on a joyride before.”

“Today’s your lucky day,” Louis slurred, rolling his eyes. He put the keys in the ignition and started to pull out, a little sloppy but not too bad. When he situated the car on the road, he started driving, carefully at first because his brain felt muggy and slow. He didn’t even know where he was going, and he still couldn’t breathe, so he rolled down the windows and drove a little faster down the quiet, suburban streets. All the houses they passed were quiet and serene while Louis felt like there was a storm raging inside of him, restless and heavy. His chest tightened every time his mind drifted to Harry and that was near constant.

With fumbling hands, he reached for his phone, pulling it out and opening his text thread with Harry. He refused to read what was exchanged between them before and started to type out a new message.

_yu fcking asshole you cn’t tell me you lov me and then leav me_

As he hit send, he heard Niall shout, loud and piercing beside him. When Louis looked up, he couldn’t register what was happening until he felt the shooting pain up his torso from being jerked forward. The car crushed against the tree Louis’d driven into, and he quickly switched his foot from the gas to the break, shoving his gear shift to park.

It was too late, though. The damage was done. Louis turned with shaky hands, his head pounding against his skull, at Niall. Niall, who’d forgotten to wear his seatbelt. Niall, who was catapulted halfway across the dashboard. Niall, who was bleeding profusely from his head and everywhere else. A shrill, terrified scream escaped Louis’ mouth and he reached over, trying to pull Niall forward and straighten him up.

“Niall,” Louis cried. “ _Niall_ , wake up!”

His body fell limp, settled back on his seat, and Louis couldn’t help but notice how pale he was getting the more he bled. Louis shook him around the shoulders, attempting to wake him up, but Niall’s eyes remained closed, and Louis tried to think rationally. He had to get help.

“I’ll do something, Ni,” Louis said, although it was useless. He wasn’t sure if Niall could hear. The fear that Niall might not ever hear, or do anything else, ever again because of him was squeezing Louis’ insides until he felt panic rising up to his throat. He had to get help!

Louis unlocked the door, gingerly stepping out of the car, ignoring the pain that spread everywhere on his own body. He started running, pressing down 9-1-1 on his phone, looking back once at the car that was still where he left it. Within a second, the dispatcher at the police department picked up, took down Louis’ details of the car, the area, and descriptions of the injured person in the passenger seat. He told them that he was someone walking by and happened to come upon the accident scene. After hanging up, he continued running until he found a spot far enough away that no one else could see him, but close enough that he could keep an eye on Niall.

Fuck, what if Louis was too late? What if the ambulance didn’t get here on time? What was Louis going to do? What if he lost Niall?

His worries slightly decreased when he heard the sirens approaching two minutes later, ambulances and police cars surrounding Niall. Louis crept behind the shadows, peering out and watching as they scooped him out of the car and strapped him to a gurney, which they promptly pushed into the ambulance. While the ambulance left, the police cars stayed back, investigating the scene.

Louis didn’t give a fuck about the car. He didn’t care if they traced it back to his mom and then him. He only cared about Niall at this point. Once more, he broke out on a run, back home to where the party seemed to still be going. No one knew what happened. No one knew Niall was fighting for his life right now. Louis burst through the doors of his house and immediately was met with the sight of Zayn. _Thank God_.

Zayn took one look at Louis and his eyes widened, alarmed and scared. “Louis, what the fuck happened to you? You’re bleeding!”

Louis glanced down at himself and only then did he notice that there was blood covering his shirt. He raised a hand to the spot on his head that was dizzyingly painful and it felt moist. In fact, he felt drenched and the metallic smellonly then registered. It was coming from him.

“Come here,” Zayn said, leading Louis outside to the porch. “Where the fuck did you go? Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Did you get in a fight or something?”

Shaking his head, Louis said no. “It’s worse. Zayn...Niall’s in the hospital.”

“Niall?” Zayn asked, looking confused. “What the fuck happened, Lou?”

The words spilled out of Louis, starting from what a fantastic fucking idea it was to go for a joyride with his mom’s car. He didn’t even feel drunk anymore. He felt more sober than he ever had in his life and he was _so_ terrified. Niall’s bloody form kept appearing in front of his eyes. Was he okay right now? Were they able to help get him back?

By the end of Louis’ explanation, Zayn’s face grew furious, his eyes thunderous as he glared at Louis. “You’re such a fucking God damn mess, Louis,” he spat. “I always knew that, but this is something else. I can’t believe how fucking stupid you are.”

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Louis whimpered, feeling cornered. He deserved it. He knew it, but it still hurt to be reminded.

“Oh, spare me that bullshit. How could you put Niall’s life in danger like that?” Zayn shouted. “I get you’re going through shit but this was not fucking okay. You need to fix yourself and get your life together. Until then, don’t fucking talk to me or to Niall.”

Zayn started walking away and Louis ran after him. “Where are you going?”

“To Niall,” Zayn said. “And I don’t want to fucking see you there.”

Louis’ steps faltered and he watched Zayn walk away. He was still shaking. His body felt cold. And he couldn’t stop thinking about Niall. He wasn’t going to listen to Zayn. He was going to go to the hospital. Niall was his friend too. Plus, the police and Niall’s family, who were presumably alerted about Niall, deserved to know what really happened. Louis didn’t want any of this being blamed on Niall. He shot a quick text to his mom, realizing he’d probably need back up, and then ran toward the hospital.

**«»**

The hospital was grim, a shade of off-white that was depressing and unnerving. Louis passed the reception desk and made his way toward the emergency unit where Niall was. As Louis walked down the bleak halls, he avoided eye contact with all the other patients sitting there, watching him curiously. He probably looked wrecked. He noticed two officers further down the hall and a little way past them was Zayn, sitting with Niall’s parents.

God, they either hated him already or were going to hate him as soon as he reached them.

Neither officer looked up when Louis approached, but Zayn did, and he didn’t hide his scowl or disdain at seeing Louis there. Louis gulped nervously and walked up to the officers, clearing his throat so that they finally looked at him. One raised his eyebrow at him and Louis recognized him as Officer Lyon. They’d spoken a few times, many of which were when Louis got in trouble for something.

“What can I do for you?” Officer Lyon asked.

“I’d like to speak to you both, if you had a minute,” Louis replied almost timidly. “It’s important.”

“We’re listening,” the other officer said, her tag reading _Jones_.

Louis peered past their shoulders once more. Zayn was watching them intently, but Niall’s parents were still in their own world. His mother was crying while his dad was on the phone, talking to someone in a hushed tone. For the first time, he really didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Not anymore.

“I was driving the car,” he finally confessed looking back at Officer Lyon and Officer Jones. “The car that you found Niall in. It was me driving and I crashed it. I was also the one who called you. I was just ̶ I was too scared to come clean. But I want you to know that Niall didn’t do anything wrong. It was me.”

The hall felt really quiet all of a sudden. There was no chatter from the nurses on duty, no hushed whispers between family waiting for patients, or the patients themselves as they spoke amongst themselves or with their doctors. Both the officers and Niall’s family were looking at Louis. For the first time, he knew he deserved their disappointed stares. He deserved everything he got thrown his way from the distrust to the hate.

Officer Lyon pulled out his notepad, glancing at his partner for a moment before turning back to Louis. “We’re going to need to ask you some questions. You will have to come to the station with us.”

Louis nodded shakily, feeling a wave of nausea hit him. He could hear his name being called distantly and only registered who and where it came from when he felt hands grabbing at him.

“Louis, are you alright?” his mother asked, hysterical as she pulled him into a hug. “Are you hurt? Oh, God, look at you. What happened?”

He stood there frozen, unable to even recount the accident, but she was too busy inspecting him for damage to hear an answer anyway. He was bleeding, still, and he could hear her trying to call a nurse or a doctor to assist him. But Louis still felt nauseous and his ears were ringing. It felt so quiet, but so loud at the same time. His heart rate was picking up and it got harder and harder to breathe every second that passed. Tears pricked in his eyes and then he heard Harry.

“ _Louis_!”

Louis ran toward his voice, finding Harry a little further down the hall as he made his way toward them. Louis could feel his legs shaking, but he propelled himself forward until Harry was crushing him against his chest, murmuring loving words into his ear as he held him tightly. The panic Louis felt settling inside of him burst and so did his tears as he sobbed into Harry’s neck. He felt himself shaking while Harry tried to calm him down, but Louis couldn’t.

At some point he felt a hand tugging him away from Harry, but Louis held on for dear life. “No, _no_ ,” he cried.

“Louis, you have to get checked in. The nurses are ready for you,” Jay urged. “You have to let go.”

“ _No_ ,” Louis screamed, looking at Harry wildly through thick tears. “Please, don’t go. Please don’t. I love you. I love _you_.”

He noticed then that Harry was crying too. His eyes were red and puffy, his expression exhausted. Harry’s skin was pale, almost lifeless, and Louis could tell that Harry wasn’t doing so well either. He missed Louis and he was there, so he must care. Louis pulled Harry into a hug again, kissing his cheek and his jaw. “I love you,” he said again, his voice small and exhausted too.

“Love you, too, baby. But you have to go. I just came to see if you were okay,” Harry whispered to him.

Harry’s grip on him slowly loosened and no matter how tight Louis held on, Harry was still letting him go. Louis watched with hazy eyes as Harry backed away from him and his mom pulled him into a room. He knew it right then ̶ everything was going to change from here on out. Louis was never going to be the same after this. He wasn’t going to recover from this.

**«»**

Louis stepped out of Dan’s car, taking in the sight of their front lawn that was covered with red cups, confetti, and other trash. The sky overhead was light now, hours having passed since the party broke up the night before, and it looked pathetic. Wasted teens doing what they wanted as if they were invincible. Louis felt sick and he wondered if it was the medicine he was on, or the guilt that ebbed and flowed inside of him.

He wordlessly followed his mom and Dan to the front door, the three of them not bothering to do anything about the lawn for now. When they unlocked the door, he held in a breath, scared of what he might find. Who knew how wild it got last night? No one he trusted was around to stop anyone from breaking everything. When Louis was being tested and checked at the hospital, Jay stayed by his side while Dan went back to the house to stop the party that Louis admitted to them about. But that wasn’t until so much later. Anything could have happened.

Upon entering, he saw that it wasn’t as bad as he imagined. Since it was eleven in the morning, his sisters were up and they were all cleaning up the house. Lottie was in the kitchen, trashing plastic cups while Fizzy was on mop and broom duty. Daisy and Phoebe had the living room, slightly distracted by the cartoon they’d put on to keep them entertained. Jay closed the door behind them and that got the girls’ attention. They all rushed forward, hugging Louis around the waist.

“We’re so glad you’re okay!” Fizzy said.

“Are you still hurting, Lou?” Daisy questioned.

“I’m fine,” Louis choked out, feeling tears spring into his eyes again.

He felt them hug him a little tighter at that, their warmth seeping into him and making him feel just a little bit more settled. The panic attacks he’d been getting hadn’t been easy on him. It was something that he and his mom spent a long time speaking to his doctor about, and something they were going to further look into during his follow up appointment with his primary care physician.

“He’s got to rest now, girls,” Jay murmured quietly, coming up behind them. “Let him be and go do your homework. I’ll clean the rest.”

Louis felt that all encompassing guilt again. Why did they have to clean up his mess? They shouldn’t have to just because of his stupid decision to have a party and the stupid actions that followed. He felt so fucking _stupid_. Still, the girls led him upstairs and into his room, and all Louis could do was sit down on his bed and let the events of the day before wash over him for the hundredth time. He made quite a mess, really, and he wasn’t sure how to get out of it. Unable to control himself, his tears spilled over once more and he cried unabashedly, curling up in a ball on the bed.

He never got to see Niall at the hospital. Once they admitted Louis, he was treated for the bruises and cuts he got from the accident, all of which went over his head the entire night since he was so concerned for Niall instead. Niall, who was more gravely injured than himself. His mom told him Niall was fine and stable. They were treating him and keeping him a few extra nights, but Louis still felt terrible. If anything had happened to Niall, he would have never been able to forgive himself or live with that.

His entire life, Louis did what he wanted. He never cared who it hurt or what the consequences were. He felt free in his actions, no matter how bad they were. Lately, these actions had been catching up to him and making him see that there were consequences after all that he could never take back. Like losing Harry, hurting Niall, and putting his mom in these situations, time after time.

It’d been a long night, not just because of the hospital stay, but also because Louis spoke to the officers for a long time with his mom present this time. He knew he got off easy with his license suspended, fees for his DUI, and more community service hours. It could have been worse, but this was the tipping point for Louis. This was rock bottom.

In short, he felt terrible, and for the first time, he allowed himself to feel this way so that he could understand what exactly he did. Crying to himself, Louis didn’t feel as invincible as he always did. He felt small. This was how his mom found him an hour later when she came to check on him. She sat down beside him, pulling him into her arms, like a child, and the two of them cried together.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered softly in between tears. “I’m _so_ sorry, Mom.”

**«»**

August turned into September and the new season brought in a breeze along with the sunshine. Louis spent most of the last few days of August recuperating from his injuries and also going to the doctors. Jay didn’t really want to let him out of her sight and Louis was content with that. He took all of her affections and attention, allowing himself to indulge in it. They had a lot of time to catch up on.

During that time, they spoke a lot about many different things. Louis couldn’t think of a time that he ever spoke so openly and candidly with someone other than Harry. It felt nice, even though there were a lot of tears. His mom was forgiving, as moms always are, and he realized how lucky he truly was to have her and his entire family. The root of his problems, as they concluded over time, mostly stemmed from the issues that arose between his mom and his biological dad. That was around the time that things started to go really south. Jay even admitted that she was to blame for a lot of that and she, too, was apologetic.

They spent hours at it some nights and it helped them work on their relationship quite a bit. It was a cathartic experience and he felt lighter than he had in awhile. During his reclusive days, he also spent a bit of time with his sisters, finding out things he’d missed develop over the years that he spent neglecting them. Like the fact that Lottie was very passionate about makeup, Fizzy had a boyfriend, and the twins were spelling bee champions. They were also forgiving of him, and Louis got emotional whenever he thought about that. He put them through so much and they still opened their arms to him anyway.  

It was around September that Louis decided he needed a job. Nick and him had a quick conversation one night where Louis broke ties with him, telling him that he really couldn’t get involved in anything sketchy right now. He was on thin ice with the police and there was just too much happening with him for him to get involved in this stuff. He needed to go about doing things differently, a more ethical and morally correct manner. Nick, for the most part, was understanding, but sad to see him go. Louis was quite popular with Westbrae, the college town area, so he would be missed.

Finding an actual job itself proved to be difficult. Louis walked into a few stores, like the grocery store, the book store, and even the antique shop, only to be sent away. They were either not looking, or didn’t trust him enough to hire him. Louis was determined, though. He had to help his mom pay the fees he was given, as well as the ones prior. He definitely owed her, even for things in the past. There was also the added factor of him having community service, so he needed a place that would be understanding of that. He’d spoken to his case worker, who worked out a plan with the park cleanup crew. It was not as comfortable as the library, but he couldn’t afford to be picky at this point.

In the end, it was Al from the mechanics shop that didn’t turn him down. Louis had walked in, feeling dejected, and asked Al in a small, tired voice if he was looking for help. Al had watched him for a few moments, wiping his oil covered hands with a dirty rag, eyes calculating but not unkind. “What do you know about cars and bikes, Louis?” he asked.

Louis sighed deeply, shrugging his shoulders. “Nothing, but I will learn anything you teach me. Just want to find a way to help my mom.”

At that, Al’s eyes softened a smidge and he smiled, his ruddy cheeks pink. “Come tomorrow at 6 am, sharp. You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you.”

“Really?” Louis asked, eyes wide in surprise. “I do have community service, too, so that would have to be considered when scheduling me, but I swear, I’ll do a great job.”

“That’s all I care about, Louis,” Al responded, chuckling. “Let’s talk more tomorrow.”

Louis fought the urge to hug him and instead gave him a big, bright smile, and then headed out. He ran home, telling his mom first thing. She was ecstatic, giving him a hug and a kiss on the head. He wished he could tell his friends, neither of whom were picking up his calls or replying to his texts, so that they could joke about how he finally pulled it together and got a real job. He wished he could tell Harry, who he hadn’t seen or spoken to since the hospital, because he’d be so proud and tell Louis that he believed in him the entire time.

All in all, Louis was making strides. He was making strides to be a better person and work on himself. It was something a lot of people had been waiting for. When was Louis Tomlinson going to get his shit together and start being mature? When he was finally going to stop being a menace?

The time finally came and he found himself getting there. It took a life threatening event to make him realize how close he was to losing it all, and now he was going to do better. He just didn’t realize he’d be so lonely when he finally came around to it.

**«»**

One of the things that Louis always came back to when he had a moment to think was what he did at the diner the night before he and Harry broke up. It was something he spoke to his mom about and while she wasn’t happy with what he did, she tried to explain things in Des Styles’ point of view as a parent. He cared about his son, someone he’d done a great job in raising, and he wanted the best for him, which was natural. He must have trusted Louis to some extent to allow Louis to continue to be in Harry’s life. And even if his words did sting, Louis fucked up. The way he reacted to him that night wasn’t normal. It was mean, spiteful, and something he deeply regretted because it cost him someone who meant the absolute world to him.

Louis wasn’t ready to face Harry yet, but he gathered some courage to go visit Des and apologize for what he did. He’d timed it so he could catch him outside of the diner when he was closing up the place. Louis walked across the car park and cleared his throat.

“Mr. Styles,” he said.

Des startled at his voice, surprise on his expression when he turned to look at Louis. “Louis,” he said. “I see you’re doing better after your accident.”

“I am, yeah,” Louis said. “Niall got the brunt of it, but he’s doing much better from what I’m hearing.”

Des nodded, putting his keys in his pocket. “He came in a few days ago. He looked as good as before.”

Something loosened in Louis’ chest. He’d been pestering his family to get some news on Niall since him and Zayn had essentially shut him out since that night, but they weren’t able to get much intel on how Niall had been doing. It was good to hear that he was alright, that he was just like before. Des studied Louis carefully and he looked at him expectantly.

“Can I help you with something?” he asked.

“I came to apologize,” Louis said. “I think you know for what, so I won’t go into detail because I’m extremely ashamed of what I did. I don’t know if my words will mean anything, but I still thought it was important I say this to you. I’m really, really sorry. I am willing to pay you back for any and all damage I cost you. I should have never done what I did.”

Des watched Louis carefully again, taking in his words. For the first time, Louis noticed how much Des’ eyes matched Harry’s. They were alike in many ways, but mostly the eyes. They were kind and Louis wondered how he’d missed that all these years. He had really hated this man, so maybe that clouded his vision, but his mom was probably right. Harry’s parents had to like him even a little for them to let Louis be a part of Harry’s life for so long.

“Thank you for your apology,” Des finally said. “It does mean a lot that you came out here to say it and offered to help.”

“It’s the least I could do. I feel terrible about it.”

“I can tell.”

Louis pursed his lips and tucked his hands into his jacket pockets before continuing. “I know that I might not be in Harry’s life anymore, but he does mean a lot to me. I was very hurt by your words that night because I don’t think anyone understands just how much I love him. I lashed out in a way I shouldn’t have. But he’s important, so, so _important_. And I want the absolute best for him too. I’d give anything for him. So yeah. I just wanted to tell you.”

Des nodded slowly. “I’m sure he felt the same. I’ll see you around, Louis.” He gave Louis a small smile and headed toward his car and Louis stood there for a long time, even after Des drove off, leaving him all alone. He desperately wanted to see Harry, wanted to talk to him. He wanted to see how he was doing, if he liked college and it was everything he’d expected it to be. But he couldn’t do that. Mostly, he was scared that Harry would turn him away again. Louis wasn’t sure he could handle that. It’d break his heart even more, so he walked home.

**«»**

Louis closed the door of Al’s Mechanic Shop behind him as he stepped out into the cold night. He’d just finished his shift and wondered whether he should go home, or maybe grab something to eat on the way. While putting on his scarf, he noticed Zayn and Niall stepping out of the coffee shop, both holding cups in their hands, laughing about something. He thought back to a time when seeing the two of them would be easy and he could just walk over. They could talk shit, smoke up, do something completely stupid and probably illegal.

He missed hanging out with them. He missed all the crazy shit they did and all the countless memories they had. While he had texted them since everything happened, he never got around to apologizing properly for the things he did, mostly because he was scared. There was a chance they could very well tell him to fuck right off. But there was also a big chance they could patch things up. After all, his mom and family forgave him; it’d been a few months since the accident, too. Time changed a lot of things, maybe how they felt toward him did too.

Before he could psych himself out, Louis walked over to the boys. They looked up when he approached them, wearing identical expressions of confusion and intrigue.

“Hey,” Louis said. “You guys have a minute?”

“Maybe,” Zayn replied. Louis didn’t miss Niall quickly jabbing Zayn in the stomach. Zayn flinched, glaring at Niall before looking back at Louis.

“What’s up?” Niall asked.

“I wanted to say sorry,” Louis answered. “I did some shitty things, didn’t always appreciate having you guys around, and I realize it now. I’m also sorry it took me this long to realize this.”

“You have always been a little slow on things,” Niall said, a hint of amusement in his tone.

Louis couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, okay. I guess I deserve that. But on that note, Niall ̶ I owe you the biggest apology. I feel shitty every single day when I think back to that accident. I’ve never been more terrified in my life than I was that night. I thought I lost you and that’s something I never want to do. I’m so fucking sorry, man.”

Niall stared at him for a moment before pulling him into a tight hug. “You fucking dickhead. Nearly killed me, didn’t you?” he asked gruffly into Louis’ neck.

Louis smiled, hugging him tighter. “I love you, Niall.”

Niall pulled back with wide eyes, snorting. “You love me? I don’t think you’ve ever told me you love me before, Lou. Has he ever been this sappy with you, Z?”

Zayn, who was standing on the side watching them, had a smug smirk on his face. “Never. I don’t think I’ve gotten an I love you from him, either. Your head alright, dude? I’m starting to think you’re not our Louis.”

“Shut up,” Louis groaned. “My head’s fine. I’m just...I’m appreciating what I have now. And I appreciate you guys. You’re my fucking best friends.”

Niall hugged Louis again, pulling Zayn in with them, and Louis couldn’t think of a time when they hugged it out after a fight, but it felt great. After breaking apart, they went to the pizza store, grabbing a table and ordering two large pies. Louis filed them in on what he’d been up to and the boys did the same. Zayn was working at his dad’s office, mostly assistant work, and Niall was looking for something, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do.

“I’m considering school, honestly,” Niall eventually said.

“College?” Louis asked. “Didn’t peg you to be the further education type.”

“You know I’m not. I’m just a little bored and without a degree, who the fuck’s gonna hire me?”

“You don’t even know what you want to be hired for,” Zayn pointed out, dipping his crust into garlic sauce.

“True,” Niall nodded. “We have time to figure it all out, though. We’ll be okay.”

**«»**

Louis broke up his weekly salary into three parts. One was for his mom to pay her back for all the fees he’d gotten. Two was for his spare pocket money. And three was for Des to pay him back for the damages at the diner. He didn’t necessarily ask Louis to pay him back, but a part of Louis wanted a reason to go to the diner so that he could see Harry. Despite living in a small town, Louis hadn’t seen him at all and he could feel himself going just a little bit crazy. His old pictures of them on his phone was only doing so much.

He missed him. He missed Harry every day and he knew he would miss Harry a little more tomorrow and every day after that. He felt like his bones ached from missing Harry and he had to do something. It took a lot of courage to walk into the diner when Louis had managed to get the full amount he wanted to pay Des back. He wasn’t even sure if it was an accurate amount, but his mom was helping him with budgeting and he hoped however much it was, Des was still happy with it. He could bring in more, but it would take a bit more time, if he was willing to wait.

The build up of going to the diner was excruciating, but surprisingly enough, the diner didn’t burn down or explode when Louis walked in. The patrons were chatting and concentrating on their food and not one person looked up to see him. Louis warily walked further inside and sat down at an empty booth, not sure of what to do. Des wasn’t anywhere in sight and Louis realized he usually did stay in the back where the kitchen was. It was Harry who usually manned the front.

However, since it was mid-afternoon. Harry might not even be here. He could be in class and that made Louis’ stomach plummet. He’d been hoping to see him, even if he was scared. Slowly, Louis got up from the booth and walked over to the counter. There, he saw a guy a little older than Louis, handling out orders and chatting with customers. He must be new because Louis had never seen him around. When he approached Louis, Louis asked for Des.

“Louis,” Des greeted him upon walking out of the kitchen. “What can I do for you?”

“I brought, um, I brought something for you,” Louis stammered, handing over the envelope.

“What’s this?”

“Just something to help pay back for everything. I’m not even sure it covers everything, but I can get more.”

Des shook his head. “No, Louis. I can’t take this. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“Please let me,” Louis pleaded a little desperately. “I want to help however I can.”

Finally, nodding his head, Des said, “Okay, but this is enough, just so you know.”

“Thank you,” Louis said softly. He turned around, heading toward the door, and stepped back when he saw it opening from the outside. He was met with the sight of Harry, backpack on his shoulder and hair wild and unruly from the wind outside. Harry’s expression blanked when he saw Louis, his lips parting in surprise. And God, he was gorgeous. So, so gorgeous and wonderful and everything Louis ever wanted and needed.

Louis could feel the need to reach over and touch him, make sure he was real after all this time, but he held back. He stood his ground, even if it felt shaky, and he took one last, long look at Harry and walked past him, out of the diner and toward the mechanics shop where he had a shift.

**«»**

Louis didn’t mean for it to become a thing after that, but he found himself at the diner two days later, having a coffee and burger after work. Harry was there this time and they made eye contact at least thirteen times, which was the amount of times Louis glanced up from his booth. They didn’t talk, though. They didn’t talk the following four times that Louis showed up, either, just to see Harry in the pretense of wanting food.

He wasn’t quite sure where he wanted this to go, and he definitely wasn’t expecting Harry to do anything about it. Harry broke up with him, but he would never be cruel. They definitely fought and there were words said that were meant to hurt, but they loved each other more than anything, that much was real. And maybe that was why they fought ̶ because they cared and it was their weird way of saying “I love you.” Louis understood it now.

He was heading out one night after his regular dinner of a burger and fries with a milkshake on the side when he heard the door open behind him as soon as he stepped outside. There was a chill in the early November air that nipped at his cheek and he wanted to get home fast. The cold became the last of his worries when he saw it was Harry who followed him out. He was still in his apron and was definitely cold, but he looked at Louis with determination behind his eyes.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked, no context added.

“Going home,” Louis replied.

“No,” Harry shook his head, a small laugh escaping his lips. “What are you doing coming to the diner and not talking to me?”

Louis struggled to respond and then replied with the only thing that he caught from the question. “Do you want me to talk to you?”

“I’m not ̶ I don’t know, Louis! I don’t know what I’d even say. That’s why I have Matt serving your booth all the time.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I just want to know why you’re coming because it’s driving me a little crazy,” Harry admitted.

Louis immediately felt bad and he took a step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just ̶ I miss you. I won’t come around anymore if it bothers you.”

Turning away, Louis walked out of there as fast as he could, already missing seeing Harry on a regular basis again. Once he got home, he took a shower and joined his sisters downstairs for a movie. It wasn’t until late that he returned back to his room and picked up his phone where he left it on the dresser after his shower. There was a new message from Harry and Louis stared at it until the screen went blank again. Then he shakily unlocked the phone and opened the message.

_I miss you too._

**«»**

_I miss you too._

_I miss you too._

_I miss you too._

Louis read the text over and over again, when he woke up, throughout the day, and right before he fell asleep. He never responded back, still not sure how to follow up with the way they’d left things, but he kept the words with him in his pocket. It was funny because that was how he’d always felt about Harry. He never wanted him to be too far, always wanted to keep him near in his pocket. Louis just didn’t know where they went from here.

Maybe the first move would have to come from him. He was usually the one who went to Harry to make up. Maybe Harry was waiting for him just as much as Louis was waiting for Harry. It was with that thought and the knowledge that Louis hadn’t kissed Harry in three long months that led him to Harry’s house one night. He’d had a long day of community service and then a shift at the mechanics shop, but there was a spring in his step, a light of hope in his heart.

Like many, many nights before, all the lights in the house were off except for Harry’s, his yellow curtains visible through the closed window. Slowly, Louis walked over to the pipe on the side of the house so as to not make too much noise. There were a lot of crunchy, dry leaves on the ground and every step sounded noisier than the last. Even though it had been awhile since Louis did this, it felt like second nature and he quickly made his up to the roof where he crawled over to Harry’s window.

Harry was sitting up in bed, a few books and pieces of paper laid out in front of him while his laptop played an old episode of _Friends_ beside him. Louis felt his heart vibrate in his chest, really allowing himself to look at Harry this time. If it were up to Louis, he’d like to look at him and only him for the rest of his life.

Not wanting to be too creepy, Louis reached over and knocked on the window. Harry immediately looked up upon hearing Louis’ knock and there was something unreadable in his expression. Louis waited with bated breath to see what he would do. Would he turn Louis away? Did Louis read this all wrong?

After what felt like forever, Harry put down his books and crawled over to the window and unlocked it, letting Louis through. Louis tumbled down, landing on the bed and all over Harry’s things.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“You don’t have to be quiet,” Harry said. “My parents are gone this entire week.”

“Oh,” Louis replied in a more regular tone. “Where did they, uh, go?”

“My uncle’s house over in Vermont. I couldn’t go because of school.”

“So what happens to the diner?”

“We do have other employees, Louis,” Harry responded and when Louis glanced up at him, he saw the smallest of smiles and his heart soared a little bit. Louis sat up on the bed, leaning back against the wall and Harry sat back down where he originally was. He took all of the books, closing them and placing them on his desk and then sat down next to Louis, a gap of space between them. He wished for nothing more than to close it, to be close to Harry and inhale him in again. He could feel his hands shaking, wanting to reach over, but he shoved them in his pockets, willing himself to stay still.

“How are you?” Louis asked.

Harry turned to look at him, watching him thoughtfully. “I’m good. Really busy these days. How are you?”

“Busy as well. I’m working now at the shop with Al.”

“I saw you once,” Harry said. “You were dressed in those jumpsuits that Al wears. Does it have your name on it and everything?”

Louis flushed a shade of deep pink. “Yes, it does. I probably look like an asshole who has no idea what he’s doing, but Al’s teaching me. Plus it’s pretty good money. I’ve been able to help pay my mom back.”

“My dad told me you paid him back too,” Harry said. “That was...it was really nice of you, Louis.”

Louis finally turned to meet Harry’s eyes, taking note of the soft, fond look on his face. “It was the least I could do. I don’t think I ever got around to telling you how sorry I was...for everything. There’s been so much I wanted to tell you about, but I wasn’t sure how.”

“You can tell me now,” Harry suggested, shifting a little closer. “I want to know.”

It was the most Louis’d gotten of Harry in so long and he was eager to comply. The words spilled from his lips, starting from the traumatic night that he crashed his car with Niall in it to the days that followed with his mom and his family. He told Harry with a proud smile of getting his job and how he desperately wanted to tell Harry right away. He concluded with the way he spent his time these days, working and working on himself. Throughout it all, Harry’s face was lit up with pride and Louis wasn’t expecting it when Harry reached over and pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’m so proud of you, Louis. I told you from the start that you had it in you,” Harry said, curling into him.

Louis’s fingers trailed up Harry’s back tentatively, touching the soft parts of his hair, and breathed him in. “I knew if there was one person who’d believed in me, it was you. You’re still the most important person to me, Harry.”

Harry slowly entangled himself and looked at Louis with tears pooling in his eyes. “You’re mine, too, Lou.”

**«»**

It was almost impossible to not go back to Harry’s house after that first night. They’d spent the whole night talking, watching the sun rise from Harry’s window while they laid down on the bed, side by side. Nothing happened aside from the talking, but it was more than Louis could have hoped for. He wanted more, he was near hungry for it. The following night, as it was a Friday and Harry had the weekend, Louis dropped by again.

Harry let him inside with a smile, saying he was just starting a movie on his laptop, and Louis shucked off his shoes and jacket, getting comfortable beside him. Harry’d put on _Jennifer’s Body_ , a cult classic, and Louis was watching intently the first 30 minutes. He was only distracted when he felt Harry shift a little bit closer, probably searching for some body heat. His eyes were trained on the screen and Louis wanted them on him instead.

It was impulse at that point to lean a little closer, breathing in Harry’s smell until his lips were close enough to kiss the skin on his neck. This close, it was easy to do as they were both horizontal and pressed against each other, and Louis froze after the first kiss. He waited while Harry did nothing and then he pressed another deeper kiss on the same spot. This time, Harry visibly shuddered, his eyes closing and body curling toward Louis.

An animal awoke within Louis and he submitted himself to it like Harry was submissive to him. His hands curled around Harry’s waist as he continued to trail a line of kisses down Harry’s neck. Harry’s face constricted and he let out soft pants and moans, his legs tangling with Louis’. Louis wanted to give, give, and give until Harry was all his again. But maybe Harry never stopped being his. Maybe whatever fight they were in ended tonight. Maybe if Louis could just convince Harry that the gaping hole Harry had left in his heart seemed to grow bigger everyday and Louis did nothing to fill it with anything or anyone else because it would always be Harry’s.

He let his hands trail up Harry’s torso, taking his t-shirt with it. His kisses became wet, more thorough, and Harry grew louder. He was so responsive. Louis wondered if it was because it was just him, or if Harry’s been starving for this just as much as Louis was.

“Louis,” Harry breathed, his hand coming up to cup Louis’ cheek. Louis looked up at him, wild and crazy and in love, and Harry gently pried him away. For a second, he thought Harry might kiss him.  “Lou, we can’t.”

Confusion filled Louis’ head and he frowned. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered, sounding pained.

Louis slowly pulled away, sitting up and moving the laptop away. Harry’s shirt was shucked up to his arms and he looked flushed, head to toe. He was half-hard in his pajama bottoms and Louis wanted to continue to wreck him. He couldn’t, though. He needed Harry to be on the same page. He wanted Harry to tell him that yeah, they fought and they hated each other and they were angry, but they also loved fiercely.

“What...what do you mean?” Louis asked. “I thought that ̶ I thought ̶”

“How long do we keep doing this, though?” Harry asked, pulling his shirt down and sitting up, hands roughly straightening out his hair. “Look, Louis...I know we are each other’s first loves and more than anything, I wanted to be your last, but fuck. Sometimes I thought about it all and I wondered how long we’d do this.”

“Things are different now, though!” Louis exclaimed. “I’m not the same person.”

“I know,” Harry reasoned. “I know that. But what if being with me makes you fall back into the old patterns? You only got yourself together after we ended and maybe it’s because I was the only thing standing in your way.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Louis cried, feeling anger rise up in him. “How could you ever think you were anything but good for me? The best parts of me exist because of you. So what are you really trying to convince me of here?”

“I’m not trying to do anything,” Harry replied, looking distraught. “I just ̶ I shouldn’t have let that happen. Not now…”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Louis, I’m transferring out of my college next semester. I got an acceptance letter from  Notre Dame a few weeks ago and I’m going.”

Louis let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. “You’re leaving?”

Harry nodded, glancing up at him with a guilty expression on his face. “After we ̶ after everything happened with us, I didn’t handle it well. I didn’t really know what to do with myself for a while, actually. I got angry one night and submitted an application for Notre Dame. They accepted me and I decided to take it. I told my family as well and they’re sad I won’t be around, but they’re happy for me.”

It almost sounded like Harry wanted Louis to be happy for him too, but Louis was selfish. He always would be. And maybe that was something else he needed to work on. Right now, however, he had no words. He only felt like Harry was shoving his fist in Louis’ chest and expanding that hole.

“Louis,” Harry started, looking a little desperate to be heard. “Lou, I’m sorry. I should have told you. I just feel so weak for you. I’ll always be weak for you. No matter how much I push you away, I feel like my arms are always going to be open wide for you. You’re the greatest first love I could have ever had.”

Louis felt tears roll down his cheeks when he blinked and he turned away from Harry, not wanting him to see any more of him than he already had. He wasn’t going to stay. He was leaving and Louis felt like a part of him was too. He could hear Harry sniffling beside him, but he refused to look, face turned away and letting out tears of his own.

This felt final, even more than that night they broke up. This time Louis couldn’t sing to Harry until he forgave him, or go visit him at the diner. Harry was the one leaving this stupid town in the end.

What could Louis have done to change all of this?

He didn’t have answers to any of the questions in his head, and he wasn’t sure how long they sat there crying together without looking at each other, but at some point, Harry fell asleep, his head leaning on Louis’ shoulder. Louis felt him breathing steadily and looked at him to find Harry’s eyes closed. His cheeks were shiny with tears and Louis gave in to the urge to wipe them clean before laying Harry back down on his bed. He closed Harry’s laptop, put it on his desk, and then got up off the bed. Harry was curled up in on himself and Louis wanted to slip in beside him, as easy as it could be. Instead, he lifted the blankets up over Harry’s shoulders, tucking him in, and then climbed out through the window for the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> uh...sequel to come 😳
> 
> thoughts? rants? comments? feelings????


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